Avatar Posted by Edward 24 days ago (Question)
Well I fancied this girl and we were realy good freinds but I realy liked her and the only time she ever got realy close to me was when I had surgery she was always with me
but soon after she started to see me less and less
when I was 5 my grandad hung himself and I told her that I saw it
I no it sounds sick that I lied but I was that desperate to have her I would of done anything to have her close
but now I wish I hadn't lied what do you think I should do


Answers

Written by PinkLotus 23 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

My X did something similar when we were first together, and he didn't tell me about it until long afterward. He seemed to think that this lie was fundamental to our relationship, and I felt exactly the opposite. I wasn't even angry, I was just confused as to why he thought he needed to do something like that in order for me to like him. In his case, it wasn't for sympathy, it was for a sense of belonging; he told me he shared a similarity to me that in reality he did not. But it wasn't even a similarity that was important to me. We do things for silly reasons sometimes.

I think that the reason you told her that is that she paid attention to you before when, you think, she felt sorry for you because of your surgery. You are trying to re-create that scenario with this lie, and if she became close to you again because of the lie, it would be for the wrong reasons.

I was with my X because I liked him, and it had nothing to do with his lie, as much as he thought it did. I can't tell you whether or not to come clean about it, but if you want her to like you, it should be for who you are, not out of sympathy. If you want to spend time with her, ask her. If she continues to brush you off, take a hint and move on, because you can do better than a person who is only with you because they feel sorry for you.

Good luck.

Written by Fpsy 23 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi Edward,

It's not clear from your post whether this girl really fancied you, or just saw you as a close friend. Have you been able to speak to her about why she has stopped seeing you as often as she used to ? are you just guessing. It might have nothing to do with you and something to do with what is going on in her life. On the other hand perhaps she has changed her feelings for you.

Maybe you misinterpreted her behavior, maybe she was just being a good friend, and that now your recovered she feels your ok on your own.

At the end of the day, if you want her to hang out with you, your going to have to ask her to. If she continues to say no, then she's letting you know that things have changed between you and her and you can move on and find someone who wants to hang out with you.

You do or say things, to make someone be with you or like you. All you can do is be who you really are, be genuine. Most people want prefer others to be genuine and will enjoy your company better if you are.

Written by Clyde 20 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Why did you feel the need to tell her that for? It could be a big part of the reason she isnt around as much.

Could you write her or email her and explain? Tell her you are upset you dont get to see her as much, and even tell her about the lie. Just let her know how much you miss her.

I really dont wanna put my words in your mouth, so I will leave it there.

Best,

Clyde


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