By: it doesn’t matter…anyways someone else wrote this…and my comment to it is right after this.

Sometimes I feel like I don't want to live. It's not like I'm suicidal though... I would never kill myself; this goes against my personal views of life. I just feel like I've become sick with life on this planet. I feel sometimes that the things that we humans have created or focus so intently on (government, class (upper middle lower), friends, partying, "being cool" or "not cool", etc.) feel so unimportant, and in some ways petty, to me that it hurts me inside to live here. I do wish I could just kick back and become immersed in it all like everyone else so that I don't think this way. There are times when I can do this and bear life, but I always feel like my view of this world is constantly pressing down on my shoulders. I sometimes look at people in a somewhat alien way. I see them as... just another creature with little fears, hopes and instincts (so much the same as any other animal... we just seem to think we're different or special somehow). I do this sometimes to the point where I can hurt feeling guilt over their lives and how intensely immersed they are in things that I feel mean absolutely nothing. For example, I know a girl who needs to be with another to live her life happily, but, just as I predict, it all ends in turmoil when she finds them, and she begins her search again for her perfect half. Me, I find that I could be alone forever, yet am torn as to whether or not this is a strength or weakness. I can see both sides. I don't know if I'm normal. I am aware that I am human as well. I do share many of the same experiences. I just feel reluctant, at times, to continue on with the farce that is life. It all feels so incredibly staged. It's like one big game. I feel sorry for anyone who thinks that they are better than any other human or animal on this planet. We are all simply large clumps of cells thriving to survive.


By: Me(Igloo2318)

I think I'm pretty much the same way you are Insignia. I feel as if I don't need others to survive, and I really don't need anything else to survive or live except for the obvious stuff like "water" and "food" and stuff like that of course. People tell me that I can't live without other people in my life as far as being social and everything(finding a girl friend...stuff like that) and that I need to have someone to talk to... but as a matter of fact... I think I would be just fine without anyone. I havn't dated many girls....not that I lack the skills or "I can't do it", its not that its just that I really don't give a shit to. To be honest I really don't care about much.. but I do take care of myself of course. Usually I'm just doing my own thing and I really don't like to be bothered a lot. Especially at work, I would rather just do my job by myself and do it the right way and then leave without having to associate with anyone. I know it sounds like I”m anti-social.... its not that I just simply do not feel the need to be around anyone or to really do anything. The whole "life is a big game" is exactly my attitude towards the world. I feel so bored with it also.....I don't understand why I'm even existing just to basically do the same things over and over again, I mean (there is no life struggle?). When basically in my eyes... I feel like I'm only here for one thing and one thing only and that is for God. To try to live life as sinfree as possible so I can get to heaven. Its kind of ironic isnt it? Maybe its just me.... but it just seems like I'm here to live 80 or however many years of my life just to try to get close to God... which, I havnt even done "that" yet either so...I don't know. Maybe I'm just wierd...80+ years is a long time... just for that ? Ya know? Like I said maybe its just me. Another thing is that I feel like my life is just so "not there"... and I just really do not care... if I had 1 billion dollars I would rather give the money to starving children or someone in need of it or have them switch places with me. So they don't have to starve or suffer and just let me suffer and starve... I would rather be helping someone else so I could be trying to live life everyday at least with a challenge rather than just wake up and do the same shit. I just really do not care about my life to be honest. This may sound kind of dumb but I also view myself as “useless" or “worthless”. I am no one( I don’t deserve to live either, I am nobody) I mean like Insignia said.. I'm not suicidal.. in fact I'm very healthy and I'm social a bit too.. but what I'm saying is that I really just do not have to have anything I would trade places with someone going through starvation in a heart beat that way my life would be forfeited. I feel as if I don't have to live life and if someone else needs to have a better lifestyle take mine... I don't deserve anything... children don't deserve to grow up into starvation or an unhealthy lifestyle. It just doesn't seem right. Take my life! To add to my comment... I don't feel right staying here living my easy dumb unimportant life when there are people suffering out there... its as if I don't even have to try and I will get by so easily in life but other people are trying as hard as they can, down to their very souls to even survive days on end without food and water or what ever the issue may be. I feel disgusted with myself for not being able to do anything about it. I wish they could live and I could die for them. I would die for them. I would die for my family and friends also. People going on with their riches and babbling about worthless investments. When the rich live and the poor suffer and die?… its all just dumb to me. As a matter of fact… I think life is dumb. I think life is just “why does there have to be life?” The only logical reason that I can think of why there is a life is because God needs to see who is worthy of being in heaven with him, but… at the same time if someone so great and all powerful wanted such a thing. Why couldn’t he just make “those people or beings” himself instead of having us “prove” ourselves. I’m sorry if you think I’m wrong or if you think I have a wrong way of looking at it but its just how I feel. It’s the best way I can put it.



Answers


bella
1709 days ago
Thanks for sharing your feelings with us. I need a question answered - I understand you're Igloo but who is Insignia. You ask some very important philosophical and religious questions which are very worthy topics, but lengthly at best. If you could narrow it down to a few clear questions, we will be happy to help you. If you feel empathy for people's suffering - have you considered volunteering for the things you feel passionate about? I also suggest to read up on Buddhist teachings and you may find some answers there. I'm not suggesting you convert or one religion is superior, but their teachings relate well to the questions you're pondering about life. Life is a journey and your answers will be revealed to you as you learn lifes lessons. Best of luck in your journey Igloo. Bella :)



Igloo2318
1709 days ago
Oh I'm sorry. Insignia is the one who wrote the first comment(the one before mine). I read his/her statement online and I could relate to most of it. As far as my question.. I just feel like I don't care and would just rather have someone else take my place, a person who needs it more... I don't know if thats wrong or what. I was just wanting to get peoples opinions I guess on the way I look at stuff and my own life. I know I should be trying to live my life to the fullest... but for some reason I just don't care and don't really want to. I mean I have interests but I'll just always feel guilty for doing stuff knowing that other people are suffering out there. I mean I believe that God put us on this Earth to worship him and to help people and to try to live as sin free as possible and to take care of our families, etc.... I'm sorry if I am getting too religious and I understand if you do not want to discuss religious topics on here... but its just the way I feel.



raven
1310 days ago
I'm with you. I seem to have no significant purpose. I feel like I contributed to the trashy life of my child. I don't have sex with my husband....both physical reasons and maybe emotional. I have no real friends. I have two dogs who love me. Like so many, I would never end my life but certainly don't see purpose. Need a job but can't seem to get out there to look. Just a burden.



Igloo2318
1709 days ago
I also feel like I should have never been born. I know this may sound bad... but I think to myself all the time.. why couldn't someone thats suffering or that has it bad been born in my shoes instead of me even being born. I just feel useless and bored of all the stuff in my life.. Insignia's comment explains a lot of that.



series0
1709 days ago
Igloo2318,

I will not claim to understand your situation exactly, as we are all highly complex and unique individuals. Yes, as you suggest, at the core, we are strikingly similar, especially biologically. However, even there due to the diversity of DNA we are still fairly unique. Things that make you go hmmmm ....

So, Id like to direct you to a persoanlity assessment site that I am fond of. You demonstrate a huge correspondence with one of the patterns in that system. This system can help you I think recognize the central struggle that you are now facing and asking about. The type description reads almost word for word like your point of view.

The site is http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/

Your type, unless, I am wrong, is type 2, the Helper.

The strengths and weaknesses of the Helper type are where you are struggling. Read the whole thing and see what you think. The Enneagram is no joke and it has changed my life and the lives of those I have shown it to many times over. I hoep it can help you as well.

Good Luck!



series0
1709 days ago
Also, Igloo2318, I think it's important for me to point out that the Enneagram type 2 is specifically addictive to Christians. It is somewhat rude of me to declare an entire religion as contained within 1 of 9 personality types but what I am really saying is that a lot of Christians find themselves trapped in the ego pattern of the 2 and it is, like all ego patterns, a weakness. Call it the martyr complex if you'd like. A sense of worthlessness which is perverted into an ego-serving pride.

Type 2 is also the basis for the "mother" pattern. Selflessly giving to her children. But, type 2 is manipulative and becomes argumenative when their agenda is not realized.

Putting off your own worth and earthly pleasure with the otherworldly goal of "heaven" may have strong religious meaning to you, but I'd advise you that even the Christian god wants you to be happy and have a rich and fulfilling life. Further, your worth is enshrouded by his grace. Each and every person (you included) is of infinite worth. You need not provide anything to others to merit this worth. It is intrinsic. So if you say you feel worthless, I say you are denying God's gift of worth his grace gives you sublimely. Think about it.

Again, good luck!

PS - When you picture Christ I suggest that you steer clear of images of the cross. Although sacrifice is a wondrous thing, it is the freedom it grants that is the true gift. My pictures of Christ in my youth were of the laughing Christ. Get one! He is laughing with you or wants to, and be joyous to celebrate his grace.



Igloo2318
1709 days ago
I appreciate all of your concerns. I appreciate the comments and opinions. I guess I may have looked at the whole "religion" thing wrong. I just thought that God wanted us to help others. You know... to give rather than recieve. I looked at like that... but I do understand that I shouldn't feel worthless because like you said series, it would be denying God's gift. I think I need to look at more in your point of view. Thank you.



bella
1709 days ago
I just wanted to say you shouldn't feel guilty living well if others are suffering. If you want to volunteer then perhaps this would make you feel you're taking some of their suffering away. You deserve to live just like anyone else. I suggest to rethink your approach and feel grateful for what you do have and do your best to help the less fortunate. It's fine to want to help others but you can't deny yourself in the process.



Igloo2318
1708 days ago
I understand. Thanks for your help.