My older brother and I have never really got along. As a matter of fact we can't live under the same roof and if we are even under the same roof for an hour we'll get into a terrible row. It's mostly because he makes fun of me and belittles me. I've told him some personal things about my life because he's my brother and we've both suffered abuse by the hands of our mother. His was when we were both young and my mother would hit him for various 'infractions'. When I was young I was her favorite, but once my parents split and I went to live with her... the roles switched. My brother became her favorite and I her scapegoat for everything. I've told my brother about the things she did and about another incident where I was sexually assaulted by an acquaintance. When I first told him he said the assault 'wasn't that bad'. My brother takes these things I've told him and uses them against me. He acts and insinuates that I exaggerated all my mother's abuse. I didn't exaggerate. My mother would call me worthless and stupid, would threaten me and on occasion hit me.

I'm currently living with my father (I'm almost 18)and he's living in his own place down the street. However whenever he's over for supper he treats me badly and I end up running to my room and locking the door to get away from him. I can't cry however... because he used to make fun of me when I cried and my mother used to scream at me not to cry when she would verbally/emotionally abuse me.

Does anyone have some insight on why my brother acts this way towards me and why he continually treats me as if my feelings don't matter and thinks I'm just exaggerating things? He of all people should know what our mother is capable of, so I just don't get why he acts like this towards me?


Answers


beatriz
2065 days ago
Hi Tarina, i am so sorry about what youre going trough, i am a victim of abuse myself, and believe me i feel your pain,its so sad that parents can actually mess you up, the reason i say this is because, the way your mother lets your brother get away with it, you know, bullying you, what does your father have to say about this? is he on your side?..in any case, Tarina, have tried to get any counseling at school, do you have anybody you can trust at school, someone you can confide in?? because that anger its going to sonsume you, and believe me it doesnt get any better, unless you start doing something for yourself, i know you feel lonely,sad, and alone, and i also know that you dont wanna talk about this with anybody..cause you feel ashamed, but you know what? It took me 40 years to realize:I DIDNT DO ANYTHING TO DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE AN ANIMAL!! sorry, i still get angry, anyways, Tarina, i know its hard, but you gotta reach out..and try to get some help..dont wait until youre 40..hope my words helped a little bit Tarina, take care and good luck, my name is Beatriz. bye



Edahn
2065 days ago
I'm not sure. Maybe you're more sensitive about it than he is, and he really thinks you're playing the victim. If you're not liking the feedback he's giving you, stop talking about it.

Sometimes talking about our own suffering can be addictive. It becomes something we identify with and it gives us a certain high. I would give this idea some consideration. If you see it happening a little in your life, you can pay attention to it and move on from it.



Tarina12
2064 days ago
May I just clarify then that he'll bring these things up, not me, in the middle of dinner conversation. I'd like nothing more than to forget those things ever happened, but it gets hard when someone is constantly and purposely reminding you of them. I would just like to find out a possible explanation for his actions so we can talk about it and move on from it.



Clyde
2060 days ago
It can be a lot of he has bought into the feeling that your Mom feels that if she says the sky is blue and she says she likes him, he will believe the sky is blue.

It may just be because he is afraid not to disappoint her, even though it isnt a good thing. Perhaps by chastising you, he is keeping himself out of the fire?

Best,

Clyde