Abuse, hate , unloved. Why does my mother not love me and why the abuse. She is now 73 years old and uses me. My dad died on March 18th 2010 of cancer he was 76 and a great dad. She cried for about 30 seconds and said I never loved him anyways. My oldest sister on Jan. 30, 2010 of drug overdose, she was 55 years old and my mother never cried, she said that she did not care. My other sister died on March 24, 2010 of Brain cancer and drug abuse, and my mother never cried and said, I don't care. My nephew, her grandson *moderator edit* was killed in Iraq, she never cried. My brother Daniels father died of a drug overdose she stated she did not care and she did not love him anyway. My husband died on Feb. 12, 2010 and she said nothing.

When my dad passed I left my home in Pelham, NH and came to help her. I put 17K in this house, I made $654.00 a week and put it all in the house. Now she had a hip replacement and in a rehab. and she wets herself I just can't take it anylonger. I want to leave this home. I CAN'T TAKE CARE OF HER ANYLONGER. WOULD SOMEONE OUT THERE WANT TO BE MY MOM, *moderator edit*


Answers


bella
1299 days ago
Hi gionet4646 - I'm so sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed and you've lost so many family members. It can also be very draining to be a caregiver of an elderly ungrateful parent. We're happy to listen and if you want to call it mom support, that's cool with us :) In fact in the forum section they have a social group called Adopt A Mom - it's for young people but I also added if can be for adults who need Mom or Dad support. You can join the forum section by clicking on 'Community' at the top of this page.

Regarding your mom - there are some disorders which characteristically don't involve the ability to feel love, empathy and concerns for others...even family members. Your mom would need a psychological evaluation to determine what kind of personality disorder she has - but if she's not concerned about it, this would be difficult. Often people with this problem don't/aren't concerned for lack of these emotions...rather those they affect are concerned and tormented. You asked why doesn't your mom love you - you might take comfort is knowing ...it's not that YOU'RE not lovable ...she might be incapable of loving anyone.

If you no longer can handle caring for your mother, this is your choice. Is there another family member you could talk this over with? It would be good if you could convince her to sell the house and perhaps move into an assisted living facility. If your mom's situation is detrimental to your mental health then you should forfeit your responsibilities to another family member or let social services intervene. I'm not encouraging abandonment, but there is a line a family sometimes has to draw in order to save their own mental heath. I think you would really benefit from sharing your concerns with other members in the forum section - they also have a Caregivers forum. Hugs ~ Bella



Chemar
1299 days ago
Hi there

I edited your post to protect your privacy. It just is not a good idea to leave full names and email addresses on a public forum.

So sorry to hear about your mom, and also my sympathy regarding the loss of your husband and others.

I think you may need to get professional advice on how best to get your mom the help she needs without it having to be this level of stress for you. Perhaps contact Social Services in your area and ask if your mom qualifies for any home help.

You need a life of your own, and getting assistance to care for her is the right thing to do. Apart from the apathy she seems to show toward others feelings (for whatever the cause may be) there is also no good to you in getting burnt out trying to care for her, and feeling resentful (understandably) at her seeming so hurtful and selfish in response.

Your doctor's office or county health department may be able to point you in the right direction in finding out what kind of home help your mom may qualify for. If she does not, then I would honestly suggest that she needs to go into assisted living.

I hope things will soon get better for all of you.