Don't ask me why, because i honest to God, (If he exists, that is) have no idea why, but i want to hurt people... Bad... Like, when i was like.... I think i was maybe 10 or 11 years old i got absolutely obbsessed with weaponry of all kids, old, new, blades, guns, blunt, anything. Since then i have moved from just weapons, onto technique, then onto defence from the technique using another technique, then onto armor, then back to weapons, then back to technique, then armor again, then even to blacksmithing and numerous other armor/weapon related crafts. I am obsessed. I know that, i knew that when i was 11 and this started, and i know that now. (14 years old now, by the way.) I daydream about going postal in the school lunchroom just to.... I don't know why, really... And at night i sometimes have this wierd dream were i'm in like this completely bare concrete garage fighting off hordes of zombies, (Max Brooks fan also) and i'm surrounded by people i know, and some that i don't, and they all die eventually, and then i have to run off away from the garage and i escape down this drainage sewer were i always hurt my hip on the right side, (Please note, in the dream everyone had a gun of some sort, and they all never had any extra ammo or ever ran out of ammo.) i camp out in the sewer thingy and then one lone zombie falls down there and, (Also not, it is pitch dark in the sewer) of course, i start shooting at it, the only light is the split second flash from the muzzle of my gun and right when it grabs me i can see its face and i press the gun to its temple and.... I have no ammo. Then just as the thing is about to take a bite out of my face, i wake up. Don't ask me what this means either, because i don't have a clue.

If anyone has ever seen the movie 300, i guess you could say i remind myself of Methostophalize (The hunchback traitor who gets the 300 spartans killed) I want nothing more than to serve a cause i believe in righteously, in face to face, hand to hand combat, die, and to be honored and remembered for it. I want that glory, but like the hunchback in the movie i can't do it. (For different reasons than he, of course) I view myself as a pathetic loser who is one "Fad" behind the rest of the world, (Which at the moment is my junior high school) a pathetic loser who is too much of a spineless pig to do anything to make his life better for himself, hence my being on this website, i hate myself so much that i have to come to others for help with MY problems. (Not saying thats why all of you are here, just, thats why i'm here)

Most of the time i feel like i'm trapped in a room, with the door wide open in front of me, but theres a noose around my neck, and the other end of the noose is tied to the trigger of a gun, a gun that is aimed straight at everything i know and love, and if i try and escape the room out the door then not only do i die, but so does everything i care about.

I, also, am angry all the time, not an hour and a half ago i slashed at my backyard fence with one of the steel swords i made myself while experimenting with Blacksmithing to the point it band at a 90 degree angle! And not 5 minutes ago i chased my cat down the stairs with a flip-flop and then screamed at my sister. I feel like a math book... Too many damn problems...

Well, thats what i have... Make of it what you will.


Answers


Fox24
1633 days ago
Also two things i should have mentioned; !) I have an IQ of 132 2) I listen to alot of music, mostly rock, sometimes light slow stuff and other times its speed-metal. Usually depressing slow stuff, speed-metal when i'm angry or just in a good mood.



Cody
1633 days ago
I don't know why you would want to hurt people. That is a hard question to answer especially over the internet when I have never met you in my life. I don't really know what to tell you, just don't hurt anyone for no reason at all just because you like war, weapons, or that sort of thing. It's ok to have a hobby that deals with making weapons or being interested in war or what not. I am pretty interested in those areas myself, but I would never hurt anyone unless they tried to hurt me. Well, anyways... you wouldn't be online asking for help if you didn't need it. So I am going to try to help you the best I can. Keep in mind, I am not a professional doctor, psychiatrist or anything like that. I just graduated high school actually, and I am about to go to basic training for the Army. Anyways, I'm 19 and I consider myself pretty intelligent. Have you thought about taking martial arts classes? You say you have anger and you say you want to hurt people. I am not saying take karate just to hurt people but some teenagers(especially guys) do have anger issues for whatever reason while they are going through a maturing phase in their life and when their hormones are kicking in. There are numerous reasons to why teenagers have anger issues. I myself always had a rage set deep inside of me.. but I would always do other things to kind of "tame" it down. I would listen to music that I liked. I would go run, I would punch a punching bag or something or just go outside and scream... lol. I would NEVER hurt anyone, and I strongly advise you to NEVER hurt anyone for no reason at all unless someone is trying to harm you of course, then its self defense. If you really need help and if this is a serious condition that you have or something I would highly advise seeing a doctor or a psychiatrist or something if this issue really starts to bother you further. Like I said... a lot of teenagers have anger issues, most of them just grow out of it. I myself was angry because I couldn't always do or accomplish what I wanted to accomplish in my life and therefore I was pissed and enraged fully at myself because of it. That, and my parents divorced and were always fighting along with my mom and dad seeing other people which really made me mad, because I am very PROTECTIVE of my family, and I just don't like to see other people interfere with my family relations, especially my parents. Anyways, like I said, you could get into karate or something or go talk to a doctor. Music helps with your anger.. but it also can highten the anger if you listen to the right type of music ... lol. Anyways, just don't do anything you will regret. I hope you solve this issue you are having with yourself. I hope this helps.

Take care,

Cody.



Cody
1633 days ago
It doesn't "have" to be karate or any of the things that I listed above, but what I mean is you can do some kind of "activity"(besides hurting someone of course) that could get rid of your anger or help settle it. I think you will be ok, I don't seem to understand how serious your condition is, but like I said before, a lot of teenagers have anger/rage/frustration issues. Don't let it take over. You are in control of your life and of your body and mind. Do other things to settle your anger. DON'T EVER HURT ANYONE BECAUSE YOU ARE ANGRY OR BECAUSE OF A HOBBY THAT YOU HAVE.



bella
1632 days ago
I agree - it would be good to take Karate because it teaches good self discipline, is excellent exercise and gets out aggression. I wonder if you've been playing too many violent video games? Cut out playing these games and watching violent movies. Don't make the mistake of hurting anyone because you'll go to jail or get hurt yourself.



Fox24
1632 days ago
Thanks guys, i appreciate the imput, i doubt i'll be able to work out taking anything outside of the home becuase my sister is in 3 different dance classes plus her recitals are coming up in... i think a week, i would have to check. And i wasn't trying to say that i want to hurt people because i think weapons and warfare are interesting, far from it, to be honest, i don't really remember why i added that part into the question. And I try and do all kinds of things to "tame" my anger and most of them just make it worse, i listen to music,(but like Cody said i probably listen to the wrong kind) I also punch the backyard fence, this worked for a while until i broke the fence behind the foam pad i nailed to it and started hurting my knuckles every time i swung, and to be honest bellacutie i rarely watch a violent movie and all of my game systems now merely collect dust next to my TV. History Channel, Discovery Channel, Comedy Central, and once in a while i might watch Deadliest Warrior on Spike but i usually miss it as Biggest Loser overlaps with it time-wise. Thats all i watch on TV and i don't really remember the last time i watched a movie, like a DVD or video kind of movie, usually its just a movie on TV that i watch so it has the really gorey or violent parts cut out of it, but i don't want that much TV anyways.



Cody
1632 days ago
You sound like a typical guy teenager to me. As far as the anger/rage or whatever you have, I used to have a deep rage inside of me also when I was your age. In my opinion, and I could be wrong, but I think all guy teenagers have something similiar to this because of their hormones and testosterone level. I beleive that God instilled this within men to protect us and help us survive, it goes along with the adrenaline that we have also. I can't sit here and say that girls don't have "this" anger or whatever because I am not a girl, but girls are more likely to get more emotional than guys. I think it is a part of growing up and becoming a mature male in my opinion is why you are feeling some of this anger. Its almost like you feel a deep power inside of you. As men mature we all feel more powerful, until we grow "old" of course. Alls I am trying to say is that I know what you are going through, because I myself along with many other males go through exactly the same thing, especially during adolescence. I hope this makes sense to you. Anyways, I hope the best for you, you seem like an intelligent person and a good kid, I think you will be fine. Lol, this may seem kind of goofy to add, but it is a true statement.. you ever watch the movie Spider-Man? I'm sure you have, who hasn't? lol. Anyways, you know that line where Peter's Uncle Ben said to him, "With great power, comes great responsibility." That is such a true statement and the same applies to you and all people.

Take care, oh and you are welcome by the way, anytime bud.

Cody.