My husband constantly gets so upset at me he literally stops talking to me for days and now it's been a week. Last Saturday he asked me why I hadn't purchased the spyware for the laptop he gave me for Christmas and I told him right now it wasn't a priority because I had other bills. He immediately told me I have my priorities all wrong and I asked him how and he wouldn't pinpoint it and he hasn't spoken to me since. This is just an example of the minor things that make him upset at me. Why?


Answers


chimp
1684 days ago
I think there may be more to this than just minor things, have there been any other problems in the marriage? What was he like before?

In terms of the laptop, maybe he is a little offended that after buying you such an expensive gift you haven't purchased the (I am assuming) anti-spyware software? for it which kind of makes it look like you are not interested or appreciative of his gift.

Not talking to you for such a length of time is unusual though. I get the feeling he probably wants to be better appreciated and wants you to care that he isn't talking to you and to put some effort in to make things better. He may be sulking as a means to try to get some attention.

Without more details on what he gets upset about it's hard to go into more detail though, this is just my thoughts.



Fpsych
1684 days ago
Hi t1gera,

it is difficult to know why you husband is doing this. Suffice to say his communication skills are lacking. Communication is very important in a relationship and knowing how to express yourself is important for keeping the relationship together.

Has he always been like this? is this something that has been going on for sometime. Has something major happened lately that your husband isn't talking about, like has he lost his job or something else.

What you describe is your husband being irritable with you, often and for minor things. So perhaps there is something bigger he is not telling you.

Differences in relationships are common, it's how we negotiate these differences that is the key.

Like the other poster suggested, your husband might feel unappreciated, some people buy expensive gifts as a sign of love and devotion. You might prefer that he shows this in other ways.

Nevertheless until we actually communicate what our needs are it is difficult to get them met.

I would suggest that you try talking to your husband again. It's important that pick the time to talk when there isn't too much going on in the house and when there is isn't too much stress happening. Try to approach the problem as one which is shared by the two of you rather than laying blame somewhere. You can start by making I statements, which can often stop someone going into denial about a problem or trying to sabotage the discussion with or diflect the problem elsewhere. The idea is give your husband room to talk about what is bothering him and let him talk without interrupting him. No matter how much feel like doing it. Just let him talk and you listen. When it's your turn, he listens without interrupting you.

You can start by saying something like, ....I am worried about our relationship, we seemed to be getting on each others nerves. I would like to talk about this, I notice that you seemed really angry about the spyware software and I want to give you a chance to talk to me about what was bothering. I promise not to interrupt you while you speak and then I will talk to you.

Setting these ground rules can help. But it's no surefire way of things working out. Both people have to want to be in the relationship and work hard to keep it on track.

I hope this helps.