Avatar Posted by dotgolding 29 days ago (Question)
I have a 31 year old son that is addicted to beer, marijuana and goes to a methadone clinic every morning for his daily dose. I thought going to a clinic would help him get off of the prescription drugs that he was addicted to. It seemed to help for awhile in the beginning, but now he is supplementing with beer and marijuana. I am scared that he is now addicted to other things. He does not work. He collects unemployment, but spends it all on these drugs and beer. It kills me to see what it is doing to him. He lives with us and helps around the house with the things that we can't do. My husband is disabled and can't do anything and I am 60 and slowing up. I also go to work everyday. I really need his help, but I can't sit by and watch him destroy his body. Please tell me what I can do to help him? He says I am crazy and that he doesn't need help. The clinic said that he was taking such high doses of prescription drugs that he can't go to rehab, because it would kill him. So they put him on methadone. He has been on it for over a year now and all it has done was lead him to more things. Please tell me what to do to help him?


Answers

Written by bellacutie 29 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

This is a tough situation if he doesn't think he needs help. It doesn't make sense -that he can't go through a rehab program. Even the worst drug offenders find a way. Does the facility where he gets the methodone re-evaluate the patients after a while? He has just replaced one addictive substance for another. Encourage him to get into an AA program. Best of luck

Written by Fpsy 29 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi dotgolding,

I hear what you are saying and your right, your son is self medicating for whatever, emotional and physical pain he feels. He is using alcohol and illegal drugs to do that. The clinic and the methodone hasn't led him to using other drugs. Rather what is happening is he is supplementing by using alcohol and marijuana and he is using these to cope.

I want to say to you that, you can't make someone change if they don't want to. They change when they are ready. Sometimes that happens when they hit rock bottom. It's difficult for you to watch that, I know you are worried about your son, but sometimes it has to happen before they become motivated to change.

The more you push your son into trying to get help, the more resistant he will become. It's how you speak to him that will make a difference. Ultimatums don't work either, you have to listen to him, support him, let him know that you are there to help him. Let him know that you understand why is using the drugs. But you have to set firm boundaries also. Does he pay rent, you say he does some help around the house and that is good, but is it enough. If he wants to continue to stay in the house, then I think it would be important that you begin to ask him for financial help. This will be a shock to him if he hasn't been paying his way.

I also think it would be good if you got some help to give you a break from looking after your disabled husband. What kind of respite care might be available for you. Is there a community health center that can provide a free or low cost disabled worker that can give you a break. You need to be able to look after yourself in all of this. Women often feel guilty if the spend time with friends or on their own, in your situation, but it's not selfish to take care of your own needs as well. Like giving yourself a break from being a carer and taking care of all of the families needs. Do you have other family members who can step in and give you a break.

Speaking to a counselor yourself might help you to cope with having a son who is an addict. They might also be able to provide you with some good coping skills.

Can you ask to methodone clinic to provide your son with psychological treatment, whilst he is on methodone. Usually there is a psychologist or drug and alcohol counselor available. But again, this will only happen if your son is motivated to seek help and he can't be made to go.

Setting boundaries with your son is important tell him that if he wants to continue to live in the house that he must help financially, someone starts to give up drugs when the costs of doing so outweigh the benefits. Sometimes the costs are a long time coming, but in the meantime you have to look after yourself.

Like Bella has suggested community supports might help. AA, Naranon is for families coping with Narcotics abuse. Alanon is for families coping with alcohol abuse.

Here is a number of website with good information about drug addiction including some support for family and friends.

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/drug_substance_abuse_addiction_signs_effects_treatment.htm

Here is alanon website for family support

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html

Hope this helps

Written by Clyde 29 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I definitely think trying to get him into a rehabilitation clinic--either for or against his wishes--is the best thing to do at the moment.

At your age, (and I dont mean it mean) you should not have to be taking care of a child of yours who is on drugs and alcohol heavily.

See what you can do to get him help, and I also agree with clicking on the links above.

Best,

Clyde


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