How do you know when to admit to defeat or keep fighting? How can I determine if there is love for him still hiding under it all? How do I keep trying to"work it out" when I can't even remember what "that is" or what it felt like? Is there truely a way to answer those questions from the emotional place I am in now?
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Answers
Oh, I am sorry. I hope you both get to "getting-along" with each other more. It took forever for you both to get to know each other again, so its a shame you cant be together now.
Best of luck!
Then, the daughter issue is probably a big part of the reason why you want to be around him. If he is the way you say he is, I would cut my loses from him.
That doesnt mean you have to leave your daughter. I am very glad to hear that the two of you are back together as well :)
Best,
Clyde
thanks for the sentiment Clyde, however, my daughter and I have not met face to face, as a matter of fact she is not speaking to me and hasn't for about 7 months....thats a whole nother subject, but definitely NOT the reason I am in the relationship today with her birth-father
Well, part of the answer you answered yourself. You stated the "keep trying to work it out" part. Even if you do not know what it is like, you admit to trying it.
The big things are: when you are not around him, do you want to be back with him? When he gives you a compliment, do you feel all happy inside that he notices you and appreciates you?
This is the kind of thing that would show me that he would definitely be worth fighting for in your eyes. Yet, if you are with him, and you do not feel any spark, do not get any comments, do not get any feelings at all that he feels the way that you want him to do--I would worry about fighting for that.
Are there children involved? Has the relationship been going on long?
Please keep writing!
Best,
Clyde
Hi Clyde, Thank-you for your response. I must admit, it hit me like a ton of bricks "when you are not around him, do you want to be back with him?" My immediate answer to that ? is NO! This relationship is sort of complicated and has several extraordinary dynamics attached to it. I'll try to sum it up for you. We have been together for 1 year....THIS TIME; The first time was approx. 34-35 years ago when I was 15, he was 17...we were teenage lovers, and I became pregnant at 15, gave birth to a baby girl who I put up for adoption, life came between us and we had no contact for all those years. Then Jan 2006, my daughter contacted me via the internet ( I had been looking for her too ), and that is how he and I ended up together again! I thought.."Oh My God" this is Destiny, my life full circle...seemed to suddenly make sense, I was ecstatic, he too seemed to feel as if his life now made sense. That seems so far away today, because the reality is that he is so screwed up, so much baggage that we never had a chance and I have been fighting this fight alone and I'm just out of fight, I am void of any reason or sense to keep trudging along.