For 10 years my husband has had mood swings, which I refer to as his "asshole faze": he becomes moody, broody, withdrawn, manic-like, verbally abusive, quick tempered, defensive, shaming and blaming toward me, and self-righteous. It used to make me depressed but I know now it is his problem. He's on Lexapro for anxiety and beta blockers for hypertension. He's just had 15 months, symptom free, until 5 weeks ago. He's gotten near obsessive about becoming self-supportive and bought poultry, swine, and feverishly toils in the garden. He has become so protective over the poultry, he shot and killed our family dog of 9 years (for killing chickens) with no remorse. It's bizarre. It's been a week, I'm still shocked and cant' find the words to say, I don't know how I feel. I'm a mental health professional and don't know what to do or say next. Please, someone give me some feedback.
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Answers
I would definitely let him know he needs to seek help, and I do agree with Jean, it does sound like he is off his meds or something super tragic has happened, and the condition has got worse.
He needs to see his T or a GP very soon.
Best,
Clyde
Well, Drjean, I'm having a hard time with this because it's so difficult to be objective. You see, I was in a state of denial for so many years, then after I began working in mental health, I learned his "asshole phases" could possibly be something more; maybe bipolar, but certainly he has an anxiety disorder. He's still on his Lexapro. As for the dog incident..it's shocking to most people. Unfortunately, in some "country" cultures from the South, this type of thing still happens to pets who kill livestock, poultry, etc. Sort of like in the 1800's (oh Lord!) But what makes this so bizarre and unbelievable is that our livlihood is not wrapped up in those dang chickens, it was his grandmother's favorite dog (she died 2 yrs ago and was the only real mother figure he had), and he loved the animal! He stated, "It's necessary to kill a dog who continues to kill chickens. He had to go.." My opinion and feelings toward him have changed completely. NOW, how would I answer someone with the same problem?
Answer: This is serious. Sit down with him at an appropriate time and tell him I am concerned about his recent behavior, I have fear for the other animals (horses, cats), I want him to see a Psychiatrist because I am concerned for his well-being, mine, and our marriage (I've asked him to do this before and he refused). Now, if he is not agreeable, I need to make a choice: do I stay with him and wait for the next "round" or "blow up" for the rest of my life? Or do I give him a 'subliminal ultimatum', either seek help or I will have to consider other living arrangements. It's really tough....I know I can do this, I'm just still in 'shock and denial' stage. So far, we have not discussed it further. It's been a week, and there has been very little talk between the 2 of us. This is the only thing I know to do at this point. I guess I answered my own question, I usually do....... Feedback is appreciated from anyone. Thanks.
Crisisworker, sounds like either he stopped taking his medication or that it stopped working for him, doesn't it?
I think this needs immediate attention, as he appears to be out of control. (((Hugs)))) about the dog too, that's sad. But you need to intervene safely before the target becomes a person.
What would you advise someone else if they had asked you about this type of problem?
Good wishes
drjean