My wife and I have been going through marital struggle for almost a year after she had an emotional affair with a co-worker. We've been together for 14 years and always best friends and very kind and loving. This really seemed to come out of the blue.
She's very involved in her new job and loves it as it validates her (and although she's discontinued the emotional affair, still has to work with this guy).
She said she'd been unhappy for a while although I can't imagine why, but cannot decide to stay or leave the marriage. We tried counseling for a few months, but she said she needs to work on her own issues with her on therapist until she decides. I've been miserable and sad as I love her very much, but I think she is very confused and suffering from BPD (which her therapist suggested) and possibly going through a mid-life crisis? We're both in our mid forties.
We've set a date of eight weeks now for a firm decision (on both our parts), but I think we should be making it WHILE in counseling, not on our own.
I keep hoping she'll come to her senses and realize we're a great couple (or at least were for 13 years).
She's very involved in her new job and loves it as it validates her (and although she's discontinued the emotional affair, still has to work with this guy).
She said she'd been unhappy for a while although I can't imagine why, but cannot decide to stay or leave the marriage. We tried counseling for a few months, but she said she needs to work on her own issues with her on therapist until she decides. I've been miserable and sad as I love her very much, but I think she is very confused and suffering from BPD (which her therapist suggested) and possibly going through a mid-life crisis? We're both in our mid forties.
We've set a date of eight weeks now for a firm decision (on both our parts), but I think we should be making it WHILE in counseling, not on our own.
I keep hoping she'll come to her senses and realize we're a great couple (or at least were for 13 years).
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Answers
Hi SenstvGuy, when my husband and I were struggling with divorce issues I found it helpful to write letters to him. He could read them and think about them at his own pace. It also opened up discussions. It sounds like you really are on the right track--it is a good idea to be in counseling while making this important decision. I wish you the best.
But, I agree with Clyde myself ;) I kinda like the guy ;)
LOL Leanne, I havent even posted yet ;)
I do agree with depressme, though. You may write letters...
But you also have to give her some time too. You two are a couple, yes, but you are also both singular as well as people. If you force her hand, she may not like you anywhere like you would want her to do so again.
Do things that helps her remember how much you love her--write her poetry, take her out on old date haunts, and the like. You dont want to do anything to spoil it, but EVERYTHING to spoil HER.
Keep in touch,
Clyde
I agree with Clyde, writing letters to her is a very good idea. Maybe even write letters to her, but not sending them, just to let out feelings might help. I've heard it before, but I don't know if that'd help in your case. Sorry i couldn't be of more help!
Best of luck...
Leanne
Okay, sorry for the mix up. I said I agreed with Clyde, but i ACTUALLY meant DePressMe, sorry for that!