I started dating my boyfriend almost 6 months ago. We got into things by flirting pretty intensely online (we'd been friends for years and had kept in touch through the internet) and then agreeing to a date which went positively perfectly- best date of my life, and he agreed that even though we live apart we should give a relationship a shot.
Things seemed great. We missed each other when we were away and sent fun letters and emails, saucy messages, the works. When together, we had a good time and outstanding sex. Everything was wonderful and I felt like nothing could go wrong.
Then, he came to visit about a week ago and it all fell apart. He said he was feeling distant and anxious, like the time we spend apart is too much for him to deal with. He says he feels sometimes like he's unhappy with the way our relationship works, and that he even has been slipping into moods where he loves me the same but suddenly feels less physically attracted to me- like the distance is making me less sexually appealing somehow?
He claims, after a lengthy discussion, that he is happier to be with me than he would be without, and he doesn't want to break up with me. But he also keeps saying things like "I just don't feel very flirty anymore" and "I'm not sure how things are going to be in a week but they're okay today". I'm beginning to think this on and off behavior is not going to stop, but because things were so amazing to being with now I am very much in love and hoping to find SOME way of working through this. Anyone have advice, or have gone through this type of thing before? Or better yet, has anyone FELT like he does, where everything else is perfect but suddenly you just aren't feeling so hot for your significant other as you used to be?
I'm really confused and don't know quite how to feel, and it's taking a serious toll on my self esteem.
Things seemed great. We missed each other when we were away and sent fun letters and emails, saucy messages, the works. When together, we had a good time and outstanding sex. Everything was wonderful and I felt like nothing could go wrong.
Then, he came to visit about a week ago and it all fell apart. He said he was feeling distant and anxious, like the time we spend apart is too much for him to deal with. He says he feels sometimes like he's unhappy with the way our relationship works, and that he even has been slipping into moods where he loves me the same but suddenly feels less physically attracted to me- like the distance is making me less sexually appealing somehow?
He claims, after a lengthy discussion, that he is happier to be with me than he would be without, and he doesn't want to break up with me. But he also keeps saying things like "I just don't feel very flirty anymore" and "I'm not sure how things are going to be in a week but they're okay today". I'm beginning to think this on and off behavior is not going to stop, but because things were so amazing to being with now I am very much in love and hoping to find SOME way of working through this. Anyone have advice, or have gone through this type of thing before? Or better yet, has anyone FELT like he does, where everything else is perfect but suddenly you just aren't feeling so hot for your significant other as you used to be?
I'm really confused and don't know quite how to feel, and it's taking a serious toll on my self esteem.
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Answers
Xpress,
Sorry to hear...it does sound like he is very hot and cold about it. Perhaps he is worried about commitment, at least the moving in part, because he might worry that it is going to fast.
You may want to discuss with him why he feels "cool" to the relationship sometimes. It could just be very well that he does feel "forced" sometimes and might be just afraid to say it to you because he wouldnt want to hurt your feelings.
He may also be having some issues of his own. Let him know that you are there to talk to, if he wants to do so, and support him in his feelings as long as it doesnt hurt you or your own feelings too much.
Best wishes,
Clyde