I was in a abusive marriage for 14 years I had Mental, Physical,verbal,sexual,and neglect,I was threatened by my ex wife she called my dad and told him she was going to cut me up with the steak knifes, I am having a hard time just trying to get to know anyone I go to AA meetings and this is my only social contact that I have. I do talk to females there but I am too shy to ask them for their number I don't know if they are seeing someone or anything In my mind I am already turned down before I start the only person I have in my life is my Best friend Melissa and she is also my roommate we get along fine and she is dating now. I kind of feel left out and they do hang out with me too. I just want to put this behind me and move on I also have Osteoarthritis in my hip and my back and I take pain medication I cant drive when I take it so if I do go out I am in pain the whole time unless someone else drives me I was going to meetings with my roommate and when she drove I could take my medication and I was OK. i need to try and get out more. It is just very difficult now. I'm am Bi Polar and have PTSD also from the abuse. I called the crisis center today just to talk to someone their I was stressed out I lost my Wallet and didn't know it was gone until Saturday night and by then the Hair cutting place where I was on Friday was closed i hope that 6they have it there i have been really going through a rough time lately and I don't need the hassle of replacing the items I will have to have my Case Manager at the VA help me on this it is too much for me to deal with right now if the wallet is not there. My medical problems seem to have overridden my hope for even a relationship right now and I am trying so hard to move on I need help My Case Manager asked me this last week if I knew anyone that I could ask out to a movie I don't want to be Dependant on my best friend for all my support she is in recovery to and has her own things to deal with but she did sit down a minute and talk I hope I can do as well as she has moving on. I just feel stuck and alone a lot.My case manager said there are no easy answers dealing with the pain issues and the Arthritis that I have to face every day. I just want to have someone special in my life to share some of what I am going through I know I am a good guy and my roommate said any girl who gets me would be a Lucky lady. She said I have been really good to her as a best friend. And that is true that I love her very much and care what happens to her. I am a very loving caring person. and I think I have a lot to bring to a relationship other than my medical issues. I have been through a lot and I am, 100% Disabled I am on SSDI and I was homeless until I got into the VA System I lived in the VOA housing then I had to go up to Oacla after i was assaulted by my male roommate and i spent 30 days in jail for throwing a bible at him the charge was drooped then I went to the Salvation army therein Ocala and stayed there until the housing at Vet Space came open that was right before Christmas last year and now just this past June IO moved in this apartment on a Veterans Grant ands soon after maybe a month Melissa came to live with me and she has been a big help to me around the house and cooking. We are both close and support each other a lot when we have a problem. I just wish I had someone close that when I Had a problem would come over and talk. I went to get a haircut and I think I may have left my wallet there I noticed it missing on Saturday night when I was getting ready to go to a AA meeting, I tried to call they were closed today Sunday so I'm hoping that I left it there and they have the wallet I know its not here I have looked everywhere i even pulled out the couch which I am not supposed to do with my Osteoarthritis in my back and my hip it makes the pain much worse and I will be up for a while now. I will need my case managers help replacing the items ATM card, drivers License, VA ID card, Social Security Card All my Ids, thats why I hope it there I didn't have any money in it just 2.00. I don't carry a lot of cash and after I left there I went home.I also have had sexual problems relating to the brain tumor surgery that I had I can get an erection and perform but I can not ejaculate its happen a few times that I have Been with someone I have only had sex with 2 women in 4 years me and my roommate also talk about this and she thinks I am just not comfortable with the women I am with enough to climax, I asked my doctor and she ordered a hormone level to be done and a MRI/MRA to check for any brain tumor problems after the surgery. I don't know what else to do I feel very over whelmed some days. And I just want to give up on Sex and relationships I told My Case manager that and she was really concerned she said I have come along way and I shouldn't give up on any part of my life dating sex or anything that I want to do-as long as it is within reason, and does not hurt me as far-as my Osteoarthritis goes.


Answers


mystry
2458 days ago
This is a very delicate situation you are in my friend but not impossible...try focusing more on the good aspects of your personality and less on the bad parts...you have been through alot in your life...the one thing I noticed in your post is that you talk heavily about what you can not do...you talk about your problems alot...obviously you are gifted with a knack for talking...use that...and humour...although there isnt much to be humourous about in your life women love to laugh...the next time you are faced with the option of trying to get a woman's phone number or walking away...calm yourself down and maybe approach her like the hunchback of notre dame...and say something like...madam...er...you are a madam aren't you...no wait that came out wrong...ha ha...laugh at yourself first and she will laugh too...find the humour in certain situations...yes I know this maybe difficult but you could practice with your room mate...she sounds like a wonderful person and so do you...I hope you all the best my friend...

mystry



Clyde
2457 days ago
Yes, I agree with mystry, you are indeed needing to focus on the good parts of your personality. You may need to take it slowly, but relax a bit and understand that things don't work over night.

I understand and really appreciate that you want it done yesterday, but the longer the wait, sometimes the sweeter the fruits.

Using humor and just being yourself is also a good thing. Allow yourself room to make mistakes. We all do it, so you are not by yourself in that group.

Maybe practice a bit, or do things very slowly, but do them? Such as talking to women, like just asking how they are or whatever, instead of having to ask them out? I mean, I know the desired result, but if you can gain some self-confidence by starting out slowly and letting it simmer a bit and continually working yourself up and letting yourself feel better about yourself, perhaps it would work better, slowly, over time?

I hope so...keep me up to date!



frankduff
2455 days ago
I am not going on the trip I feel like that I cant travel right now that long and there would be noone to meet there she is just going there to pick up the lsdies dog I had to go get bloodwork done this morning at the VA then I came home there is a chroistmas party for the Brain Injury Support group here at Shands Hospital tonight depanding on my pain level I may go I dont know yet. The group focus is on the support network family and Wifes of the people there I really dont have anyone but my roomate and she is busy dating and working right now. I have the MISA team at the VA but I dont have anyone just to call local here to talk to or meet with for fun.



frankduff
2456 days ago
Yes I am trying I am going to a christmas Party for the Support Group for Brain Injury, relating to my Brain tumor Surgery. I think there focus is building a support system or people who have that in place they have family members or sposes and freinds who support them come to the meetings and learn. The focus is on the support, I dont have anyone but my Bestfriend and My Case Manager, My family is not close and are in another state and my roommate and bestfriend has just starting dating someone so she is involved with him and doesnt have time for me much. So I quess youn could say I dont really have anyone which I could bring thee to support me. Maybe there will be other single women there I can talk to I dont reeally like going alone butb I will. My roommate asked me to go with them to Norh Carolinia to get the Dog of the lady that she does private duty CNA work for we will drive stright though and turn around and go roght home, It is not a pleasure trip we just want to go and come back, I am just concerned about my Pain because of my Oaeoarthritis in my hip and my back i can take my pain pills with me but I cant drive after I take them for 4 hours and my Case Manager is off for the rest of the week. I could just let her use the car and go alone with her byfriend and I may have to if the pain is not better by early friday morning, I am just concerned that I may be in pain and not be able to do anything but get in the back seat and lay down.



Clyde
2456 days ago
The trip sounds good as long as it doesnt bother you too much...as long as you have a place to lay down, as you mentioned, it should at least be okay...who knows, you might meet someone at least to correspond with :)



Clyde
2455 days ago
Well, I hope you do get to go to the trip at least...that would be pretty nice.

It would be cool to meet someone there as well.

I hope you do :)



allison
1581 days ago
I got a divorce after 31 years of verbal and physical abuse. I went back to school and am the moderator of an abused survivors' group, have written a poetry book (Sanctuary of the Soul....poems of anguish, healing, hope, comfort and celebration) and written my memoir....do you have interests/hobbies? join a club, volunteer at a hospital, shelter.....etc....Try to do the things you love. hugs to you, fellow survivor.......Allison