I was in a abusive marriage for 14 years I had Mental, Physical,verbal,sexual,and neglect,I was threatened by my ex wife she called my dad and told him she was going to cut me up with the steak knifes, I am having a hard time just trying to get to know anyone I go to AA meetings and this is my only social contact that I have. I do talk to females there but I am too shy to ask them for their number I don't know if they are seeing someone or anything In my mind I am already turned down before I start the only person I have in my life is my Best friend Melissa and she is also my roommate we get along fine and she is dating now. I kind of feel left out and they do hang out with me too. I just want to put this behind me and move on I also have Osteoarthritis in my hip and my back and I take pain medication I cant drive when I take it so if I do go out I am in pain the whole time unless someone else drives me I was going to meetings with my roommate and when she drove I could take my medication and I was OK. i need to try and get out more. It is just very difficult now. I'm am Bi Polar and have PTSD also from the abuse. I called the crisis center today just to talk to someone their I was stressed out I lost my Wallet and didn't know it was gone until Saturday night and by then the Hair cutting place where I was on Friday was closed i hope that 6they have it there i have been really going through a rough time lately and I don't need the hassle of replacing the items I will have to have my Case Manager at the VA help me on this it is too much for me to deal with right now if the wallet is not there. My medical problems seem to have overridden my hope for even a relationship right now and I am trying so hard to move on I need help My Case Manager asked me this last week if I knew anyone that I could ask out to a movie I don't want to be Dependant on my best friend for all my support she is in recovery to and has her own things to deal with but she did sit down a minute and talk I hope I can do as well as she has moving on. I just feel stuck and alone a lot.My case manager said there are no easy answers dealing with the pain issues and the Arthritis that I have to face every day. I just want to have someone special in my life to share some of what I am going through I know I am a good guy and my roommate said any girl who gets me would be a Lucky lady. She said I have been really good to her as a best friend. And that is true that I love her very much and care what happens to her. I am a very loving caring person. and I think I have a lot to bring to a relationship other than my medical issues. I have been through a lot and I am, 100% Disabled I am on SSDI and I was homeless until I got into the VA System I lived in the VOA housing then I had to go up to Oacla after i was assaulted by my male roommate and i spent 30 days in jail for throwing a bible at him the charge was drooped then I went to the Salvation army therein Ocala and stayed there until the housing at Vet Space came open that was right before Christmas last year and now just this past June IO moved in this apartment on a Veterans Grant ands soon after maybe a month Melissa came to live with me and she has been a big help to me around the house and cooking. We are both close and support each other a lot when we have a problem. I just wish I had someone close that when I Had a problem would come over and talk. I went to get a haircut and I think I may have left my wallet there I noticed it missing on Saturday night when I was getting ready to go to a AA meeting, I tried to call they were closed today Sunday so I'm hoping that I left it there and they have the wallet I know its not here I have looked everywhere i even pulled out the couch which I am not supposed to do with my Osteoarthritis in my back and my hip it makes the pain much worse and I will be up for a while now. I will need my case managers help replacing the items ATM card, drivers License, VA ID card, Social Security Card All my Ids, thats why I hope it there I didn't have any money in it just 2.00. I don't carry a lot of cash and after I left there I went home.I also have had sexual problems relating to the brain tumor surgery that I had I can get an erection and perform but I can not ejaculate its happen a few times that I have Been with someone I have only had sex with 2 women in 4 years me and my roommate also talk about this and she thinks I am just not comfortable with the women I am with enough to climax, I asked my doctor and she ordered a hormone level to be done and a MRI/MRA to check for any brain tumor problems after the surgery. I don't know what else to do I feel very over whelmed some days. And I just want to give up on Sex and relationships I told My Case manager that and she was really concerned she said I have come along way and I shouldn't give up on any part of my life dating sex or anything that I want to do-as long as it is within reason, and does not hurt me as far-as my Osteoarthritis goes.
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