Okay, to start from the beginning would be the best way to explain this.

2 years ago I dated this guy. I thought I was in love, but I broke it off because I thought he was too good for me. (I was going through a serious stage of depression and cutting.)

Eventually about 6 months later, we ended up talking again, and I found out he was heart broken after I broke up with him. But he had just started dating another chick, who if I may say so myself is a f*ing b*tch, and treats him like a dog. So I found out that he still had feelings for me, and I still had feelings for him. Of course.

Basically he couldn't leave her, because he loved her too. Somehow we ended up talking a lot, and his girlfriend found out and got mad at him.He called me and threatened to kill me, and started calling me a liar in front of his girl friend. I was heart broken. He told me that if I ever talked to him again, he would kill me. It scared me, but regardless of what he said, I still had feelings for him. I felt like he was just saying it because his girlfriend was making him.

It has been about two years ago since we dated. Last night, I was with a good friend at a concert, and he was RIGHT in front of me with the same girlfriend (that treats him like a dog). I swear my heart skipped a few beats. Part of me was scared sh*tless, and the other part just wanted to run up to him and hug him. I couldn't help but run everything through my head. For some reason he turned around, and I'm pretty sure he saw me, but he was pretending he was on the phone looking for someone behind me. I almost started crying. It practically ruined my night. All I could think about was him the entire night, how much I missed him and loved him, and yet at the same time, how much I hated him.

I just don't know what to do. I have been thinking about him a lot, and then I saw him last night. For the past few weeks,I have been thinking about him a lot. I have been trying to get a hold of him because I feel like I need closure to our relationship.

(Keep in mind, he was the last person I had emotional attachments and "intimate relations" with. So that could be part of it maybe?)

I really want to talk to him, I don't know what it is. I miss him. But at the same time, he did threaten me. It scares me, but at the same time, if he threatens to kill me, I don't really care. Because he threatened me before, and didn't do anything. Even if he does somehow end up trying or succeeding at killing me, I don't really care. I just need to have closure.

I can't move on. All of the relationships I've had since him have ended very quickly. I'm in a relationship right now, but I'm afraid to fall for him because I don't want the same thing to happen.

It seems to be a repetitive cycle...I get in a relationship, start to fall for them, then drop my walls and show them who I really am, then get scared and put my walls back up, and end the relationship. I haven't had sex in two years, but that doesn't bug me, I don't need it. I want a real relationship. Not a sexual relationship.

The guy I am with right now is a really good guy. I can see myself being with him for a long time, but at the same time, how do I have a relationship with someone when I still have somewhat strong feelings for my ex? What do I do!?


Answers


Clyde
2320 days ago
It sounds like a really big issue--there are too many things going on at once...too many people involved, too many people who could possibly be upset.

My thoughts on this matter, is, even as great as this guy you are with now may be such a great, kind, compassionate guy--you are still having feelings for the other guy, and this is not fair to him, you or anyone else involved.

Perhaps you should break off the relationship as being bf/gf until you can decide whom you want to be with? I know you don't want to hurt either, but you may be hurting both by your indecision.

Best of luck,

Clyde



ktgirl
1686 days ago
I couldn't get over a guy last year at school and this sounds a lot like my story. He was a jerk but I couldn't stop having feelings for him. When I saw him, my heart starting beating really fast and I got butterflies.

I think you definitely need to forget about him as hard as it sounds. He obviously does not seem to have good judgement if he is dating someone who you said treats him like a dog. Also, he ignores you and is with someone else and threatened you. That is not someone you want to be with. That is horrible he ruined your whole night just by pretending to not see you and I totally know how you feel. It was so hard for me and people told me to get over him, he's a jerk, you're better off without him, etc. but it's not that simple, as you know. It sounds nearly impossible to get over him, but you will! I got over my jerk! It took a long time, I'll admit, but less than a year. I cried when I realized I had been lying to myself that I was over him, but I honestly can say I feel so much better now that I am without him and I am not wasting my time anymore hoping for things that are never going to happen.

If you really broke it off because you thought he was too good for you, he should have understood that and tried to tell you that you two were equal. I write songs frequently and that helped me when I wrote a song about my problems with him. Maybe you should write a list of the positive attributes of what the guy you're with now has and also write down the traits you want in a guy and know that he does not belong anywhere on the list. He is not worth your time, energy, and thinking space if he has the nerve to pretend like you don't matter and don't exist. Sorry this is so long but I really want to help you because I know exactly what you're going through! =) I hope I really helped you out.



rebelwoman87
1576 days ago
WOW!!!!! Sounds JUST like my ex... Hun, I talked to my ex fiance when he was with a girl that was like three states away, I warned her about his abusiveness, but, he called me and my heart SKIPPED, He said "If I interfear with anymore of his relationshp he'll kill me" He has threatened me many times, used to say if I go to his home town that he'll run me over and kill me. Eventually I started to not give a flying Sh*t... I told him DO IT... I called his bluff and he never attempted it and now says "You're crazy" because he said it so many times and he denys it... I'm not saying like call him on it, but I'd say, sometimes you just don't get closure. I still haven't gotten closure and it's a year in a half away. He is pretty high on himself the last time we talked and he didn't threaten but I didn't get closure, the only thing I got was "It would've worked if you weren't 'you'" ugh... That tore me apart. however, I do have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me to death. He's stuck by me and understood everything so far! I've been scared to fall but to be honest I'm fallen hard in love with him and he's my fiance now and he's really helped me out more then anyone!

Give it a chance, no person is the same.

It'll get better too...



rochelle
623 days ago
I am going through the same thing, but me and him have been off and on for 8yrs. I broke up with him in june and didnt want to but thats a different story. You have deep feelings for him and your heart wants what your heart wants. Regardless I think you should get him back in your life, yeah ok he has threatend you but my guy did the same thing to me and still does, If they could they probably would but cant and they do love us.. No other person is going to compare , you are only going to think of him when you are with someone else. No one has a perfect relationship , Love is love. And you love him. Forget the past move on to the future. Take it easy. Just think when you guys do get back together the feeling you are going to have, the wholeness,your heart.