Okay, to start from the beginning would be the best way to explain this.
2 years ago I dated this guy. I thought I was in love, but I broke it off because I thought he was too good for me. (I was going through a serious stage of depression and cutting.)
Eventually about 6 months later, we ended up talking again, and I found out he was heart broken after I broke up with him. But he had just started dating another chick, who if I may say so myself is a f*ing b*tch, and treats him like a dog. So I found out that he still had feelings for me, and I still had feelings for him. Of course.
Basically he couldn't leave her, because he loved her too. Somehow we ended up talking a lot, and his girlfriend found out and got mad at him.He called me and threatened to kill me, and started calling me a liar in front of his girl friend. I was heart broken. He told me that if I ever talked to him again, he would kill me. It scared me, but regardless of what he said, I still had feelings for him. I felt like he was just saying it because his girlfriend was making him.
It has been about two years ago since we dated. Last night, I was with a good friend at a concert, and he was RIGHT in front of me with the same girlfriend (that treats him like a dog). I swear my heart skipped a few beats. Part of me was scared sh*tless, and the other part just wanted to run up to him and hug him. I couldn't help but run everything through my head. For some reason he turned around, and I'm pretty sure he saw me, but he was pretending he was on the phone looking for someone behind me. I almost started crying. It practically ruined my night. All I could think about was him the entire night, how much I missed him and loved him, and yet at the same time, how much I hated him.
I just don't know what to do. I have been thinking about him a lot, and then I saw him last night. For the past few weeks,I have been thinking about him a lot. I have been trying to get a hold of him because I feel like I need closure to our relationship.
(Keep in mind, he was the last person I had emotional attachments and "intimate relations" with. So that could be part of it maybe?)
I really want to talk to him, I don't know what it is. I miss him. But at the same time, he did threaten me. It scares me, but at the same time, if he threatens to kill me, I don't really care. Because he threatened me before, and didn't do anything. Even if he does somehow end up trying or succeeding at killing me, I don't really care. I just need to have closure.
I can't move on. All of the relationships I've had since him have ended very quickly. I'm in a relationship right now, but I'm afraid to fall for him because I don't want the same thing to happen.
It seems to be a repetitive cycle...I get in a relationship, start to fall for them, then drop my walls and show them who I really am, then get scared and put my walls back up, and end the relationship. I haven't had sex in two years, but that doesn't bug me, I don't need it. I want a real relationship. Not a sexual relationship.
The guy I am with right now is a really good guy. I can see myself being with him for a long time, but at the same time, how do I have a relationship with someone when I still have somewhat strong feelings for my ex? What do I do!?
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