Avatar Posted by jennifromtheblock 1904 days ago (Question)
About 5 years ago a long-time (10yrs+) family friend & I became more than friends. We're both married, & I know it was wrong. While nothing physical ever happened beyond a kiss, I devolped DEEP feelings for him & he said he did for me. We're both in bad marriages. Neither of our spouses know anything about our relationship.
A while back, he just quite literally fell off the face of the earth. He stopped answering my calls or calling back. Well, I've since found out he was actually cheating (really cheating) w/ another woman all the while.
I was really hurt, but realized just how stupid I was to begin with to get myself in the situation, but also to trust such an idiot w/ my heart. You see, he treated me REALLY well, & I fell for it & fell hard for him. Since I still REALLY love him, I don't expect to forget him, but want and NEED to move on w/ my life!...
PLEASE HELP!


Answers


Clyde
1902 days ago
(((Jenni)))

You must realize (to yourself) that you are extremely important. You do not need him, he was the one who needed you, and it shows how horrible of a person he was by cheating on you and using you.

Do not feel stupid. Caring people are great people. Ways to move on with your life?

Find things new to do, or things that will help take your mind off of him...

Plant a garden

Volunteer

Work at a shelter

Read

Take a community college class or three...

Basically, you have low self-esteem issues and need to see that you really are a great, kind, caring and generous person who through no fault of her own was used by a mean, malicious person.

Please have some faith in yourself.

Best,

Clyde
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dcmarco13a
1890 days ago
Jenni from the block,

I am in a similar relationship but a bit different. I feel ur pain. And maybe we can help each other. I think that again, you need to suround yourself with good people, family and friends and concentrate on what is good in your life. Try and keep your mind off it. And I know it is hard. For my problem, I started seeing a guy and found out he was with someone about 3 weeks into it. It was hard because I had already feel for him. And we just clicked. I stayed with him though - excepting all his faults and knowing that I felt bad because I was the other women. But after 3 years of this, I decided to call it quits with him. After we decided to go our seperate was a week later he calls me and says that he wants to be with me - they broke it off and they were basically together because of the kids, I don't think that he doesn't love me, or care. But now we are trying to start and I have such a hard time dealing and trusting with him. The problem was that he lived with me and then when I decided to break it off with him he moved in with his friends. Then when we decided to try again, he didn't want to move back in with me. He said he had to get his life straight too and work on getting a better job, and starting to take care of his children regarding money stuff. So I don't know what to do. I recently have been fighting with myself because I try to trust him but then I don't and then there are several other thoughts that go threw my head.. If you can give me any advice that would be great..
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drjean
1880 days ago
(((hugs))) I know what you think you feel is love, but deep down you know you can't love such a person. Try looking at the facts, keep telling yourself them, and perhaps the truth will help you get through this. You don't want him, you could never trust him, he only used you, and he hurt you.

I'm sorry that this is a second relationship that has failed for you. Is there any way you can resolve the issues in your marriage, or do you think you need to end the charade and try to figure out how to have a good relationship while being alone?

It's important to become a "whole" person on your own, and not need someone else to "complete" you. I think this guy gave you the attention you need, yes NEED, and that you should probably be getting this from your spouse. Try couples counseling. Being in a "bad" marriage is no excuse to betray someone. I hope you can remember this affair and this guy, and that it will help you figure out what it is you really need in life.

tc

drjean
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rwaldman
833 days ago
Jenni - This is what the chatter in our head does, it prompts us to do "things" that are not always good for us, in your case, getting involved with this man, and then beats us up when it doesn't go right. What you're wanting is to "let go" of the situation, however, the chatter in your head doesn't want you to let go because your "chatter" has a goal, to keep you where you are.

To learn more about how this "chatter" works, log on to YouTube and put "coachmerich" in the seach bar and then click on: "How to Identify What Moves You Forward and What Holds You Back."

Please don't hesitate to contact me if you need further assistance.
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servant1
288 days ago
Well MRS,THE BEST THING FOR YOU TO DO IS FIND JESUS, AN ASK HIM TO COME INTO YOUR HEART. READ ROMANS 10 CHAPTER 9TH VERSE. Then you seek peace with GOD within your self.i don't know if you believe. The safest place in the whole wide world is in then will of GOD. AND finishing, GOD don't complicate our life , we do, cause we want to do what we want. we never ask GOD what he want us to do, yes he talk to us through his word.Jesus said: seek an ye shall find, knock an it shall be open. peace always
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