I met the woman of my life 3 years ago & to this day, we have the absolute best times of our lives together..except for the sex. For 3 years, I turned her down alot for sex b/c I was uncomfortable and unsure of it, etc. She was always upset (and rightfully so) & eventually turned it off as a defense mechanism.. 3 years later now, something clicked and I'm ready & so into her, but she is repulsed by the thought of sex w/ me. I realize the past history is a huge mental block that is preventing all the attraction we have between us. We've talked it out, but aren't sure what to do, if anything =/
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Answers
Oh, yes, Perna has some great ideas. Foreplay without the sex sometimes is a good thing...just to horseplay around and let your partner know that are important in every way to you.
Also, a ways down the line, have you ever checked into couples therapy?
Best,
Clyde
I would work on sexual feelings through the sensual. Do you all hug, hold hands, give back rubs (my husband's favorite :-) and other, just comfortable, "friendly" means of touch? Sex is not meant to be a contest or supply and demand economic transaction :-) but can flow naturally out of the relationship itself where there is warmth, trust, communication, and faith that it can all work out.
I would work on the sensual warmth and trust and communication basics so there is less "thought" allowed to repulse (what does thinking have to do with sex?) and less "negotiating". I like the Neil Diamond song, "Don't Think, Feel" with the verse, "It don't take plans to clap your hands/when it feels nice you don't think twice" :-)