Hi. :)
For a while now I have been experiencing feelings toward my best friend. We are both 14. (and trust me, I'm different from the regular immature 14 year olds with no morals. I've been through a lot... so no age or development lectures please, haha.)I'm bi, and I'm pretty sure she is too. Well, at least a while ago she had a crush on a girl who is a mutual friend of ours but the friend kind of got a bit cocky toward us so I think the feelings are gone. Anyways, sometimes I get mixed messages from her too that she might possibly like me. But I don't know- because I am pretty sure I am not in a position to spill my guts out to her... + I am not ready to kill the friendship over this.
Anyhow, If you guys have any advice, that'd be great. Thanks. Cause this is beginning to irritate me, having to kind of keep this bottled up.


Answers


Clyde
2422 days ago
Boy, thats a tough one. I was gonna say to have you talk to her about your feelings--yet, if you did, as you said, you may lose the friendship.

Could you do stuff like hang out more and go places together more to "be around" her more, so she could be closer to you then she is now?

I can understand the nervousness over the whole relationship thing, but relationships are never easy. Sometimes we have to put forth something that may scare the crap out of us to get what we really want.

I think you may want to do some soul-searching to make sure you want to talk to her about it, or find out about it, and go do more things with her to see how comfortable the two of you would be together.

It never hurts to give it a little more time, yet, don't let it pass by forever either--she may find someone else if you do.

Best,

Clyde



drjean
2421 days ago
You say "for a while" now, but how long has it been? Many years? I'm sorry you don't want any maturity points made, but if you truly are that mature, you will understand that it is a very real possibility that it is your body and mind maturing.

I agree that it can be scary to feel like you need to share this strong caring for your best friend, and yet worry it will ruin the relationship.

Have you had any conversations about others, such as celebrities, who are together this way? That might be a good segway into sharing that you really do care so much for her. Be prepared that she might be shocked, or at the very least speechless. She probably won't want to hurt your feelings either, being bff. Give her a way "out" without making it awkward.

I remember the great attraction for my best friend growing up...she and I were like "siamese twins." We talked enough to know the other felt like bff also.

I agree with Clyde, in that giving things a little more time often helps. Try not to make this the main focus of your thoughts for a while, especially when around her, and let the relationship mature on it's own. Having patience is really tough at any age, btw.

Good wishes.

drjean



hidood18
1387 days ago
thank you for asking this question! i am having EXACTLY the same struggle.