Avatar Posted by lebanese 547 days ago (Question)
The other day, when my boyfriend and I were going to have sex - he went to put on the condom and immediately lost his erection. This is the third time that this has happened, and I'm beginning to worry that maybe I'm doing something wrong here. He'll be aroused and ready, but when he goes to put on the condom, he loses it. He has no problem maintaining the erection during oral sex, but when it comes to the actual intercourse, it's a lost cause sometimes. It's very discouraging. What could be the problem?


Answers

Written by Clyde 545 days ago Rating: 1 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi there. It can be a multitude of many different things. It could be age, stress, erectile issues, psychological, or even medical issues.

Talk to him, see if he wants to visit a doctor about what is going on. It could just be something simple, hopefully. If the doctor doesnt find anything, like ED (erectile dysfunction) you may want to see if he wants to see a T to see where the issue could be.

Best,

Clyde

Written by prizm1212 537 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

This one is easy to help, I have had that problem my self, from the males point of view. Sometimes the ideal of the condom or the thoughts that come to his mind can be making him feel not so big. The best thing for this is to keep his eye on the goal. You could put it on for him. That helped me and than it was easier after a few times for me to do it myself. My problem was I was thinking about what if it breaks, what if i lose my hard on, what if!! That thinking can kill the mood in seconds.

Written by misscris 265 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

First and foremost - you should not feel responsible for his loss of erection (unless you are doing something like laughing and pointing... then ok, you should heh). Men of all ages can lose an erection for various reasons.

Now, if he can have a normal erection and ejaculation through masturbation chances are his problem is psychological. Just over 80% of erecticile issues are a direct cause of psychological strain. The other (just shy of) 20% are actually medical problems or age related.

The psychological aspect can be caused by fear of pregnancy, STD, condom breaking, getting caught, cognitive dissonance (ie religious belief says no but my body says yes), or a host of other things including fatigue or a stressful day at work. Now, think about this - what if he was tired one night and he had his first lost erection. The next time you have sex, as he's putting the condom on, chances are he's thinking "omg, what if I can't keep it up.. what if I lose it again... am I letting her down... please don't go down...." --- he's psyching himself out and pretty much increasing his chances of losing the erection again... which, guess what - will make the next time you have sex even worse.

Now, if he cannot ejaculate through masturbation or the stress on the relatonship is too great, then suggest to him (when you aren't in the bedroom and not right after this has happened) that maybe he should see his physician or a specialist. Perhaps getting a physician's opinion will help him feel better about what is going on, even if its found out to not have a medical cause.

But, what I can leave you with are these tid bits:

- Do NOT make him feel bad about his loss of erection because then you will only make the situation worse and it won't help the relationship

- Do not take what is going on personally (this is hard for us gals, I know!)

- Do try to talk about it at the appropriate times... in the heat of the moment is not the appropriate time

- Try to get him to relax a little

- If necessary, buy some flavored lube and a sex toy for men, like a sleeve or even a finger vibrator

- Don't place the focus on not having sex... spend a night just focusing on relaxing with eachother (sexy no-sex night)

Hope this helps!

God bless,

Cris

Written by theonetrueme 194 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Ditto to everything above. What it's like to me is kissing through a window or piece of plastic. (Not quite the same is it?)They are mood or moment killers also. There are vaginal spermicide inserts available OTC that solved that problem for us.


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