Almost 2 years ago I married my best friend. Sounds great right? Well, recently I have come to realize that it may have been one of my biggest mistakes. I have finally taken some time to look into some issues that keep coming up between us lately, and the more I learn the more unhappy I am. I have noticed in the past few months that I do not feel sexually attracted to my husband. I don't feel any decrease of sexual desire anywhere else, only when I am around him. Whenever I bring this up among friends it is always passed off as a normal part of marriage. So I started looking deeper within myself in hopes to find a solution, or at least an explanation for this situation. To my surprise I realized that I have never felt sexually attracted to him. All throughout our relationship I was having sex with him purely out of friendship, because I care about him and like to see him happy, and not because I desired, or lusted after him. This may not sound like a problem to most people but let me clarify, I am 22 years old. I have a very healthy sexual appetite and I find myself really missing those feelings of passion that normal couples feel (at least once in a while, right?). My husband is a very jealous guy and would never go for the idea involving me being anything more than polite to another man, but lately he is offended and angry that I would even pleasure myself without his participation. We are considering sex therapy to try and find some sort of a happy medium, but I honestly can't see myself ever being sexually fulfilled while staying in the boundaries of a monogamous marriage. Is our marriage doomed?
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Answers
I agree that the sex therapy can probably help. It's not all about sex, you know? Many times stuffed problems arise in guised as sexual problems. Hopefully you will be honest with the therapist, and then be able to work on them openly. I think your spouse needs to also share and find out why the jealousy..as this is not a contributor to a good marriage also. (And why would you want to have sex with someone who treated you that way?)
Women are more emotional about life than some men realize, and it's more difficult to enjoy sex when the rest of the marriage seems insufficient.
Good wishes
drjean
Well, sex therapy is indeed a good thing, for sure.
However, if you knew that you would have to "stay within the boundaries of a monogamous marriage," then why get married?
I really hope the therapy works out well for the both of you.
I can understand your feelings of not having any sex with your husband--so I definitely hope the therapy works out.
Best,
Clyde