I'm 25 and I've been dating the same guy for over three years. We have talked about marriage in the past, but lately I cannot imagine us together. Everything he does and says now gets under my skin. In recent weeks, I had an affair with a much older man who is the complete opposite of my boyfriend. I don't feel guilty at all about it, in fact I have continued to make plans with this man. I don't want to break my boyfriend's heart, but I'm just tired of how things are. I don't know if I should get out of my relationship or try to work things out.
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Answers
Why would any intelligent person stay with someone who they know in their heart is not the right one for them?
Is it fear? Kindness? Stupidity? I don't know.
What I do know is that I was with a man for years who I knew wasn't for me, and I stayed with him. During that time I met a man who captured my mind, my heart and my soul.
I let him go.
It was the worst decision I ever made, and I have residual anger that ended up misdirected at the man who I was with, who was not right for me, but didn't deserve this.
Please do what I didn't do, but regret to this day.
Follow your heart.
Do you have feelings for this new man or are you just bored? The fact you say he is the exact opposite of your boyfriend seems to indicate this he is offering you something emotionally that you are missing in your current relationship. Sometimes relationships with large age differences work really well, if the younger person is exceptionally mature. Sometimes they are perfect.
I guess what I can say comfortably without knowing you is that your affair would not have happened unless something, whatever it was, was missing. If you have had more than one affair, you are searching. If this man is the only one in three years, you may have have found it.
Good luck.
I could be that your boyfriend, being unable to commit to marriage, is also feeling the same way about you: that you aren't right for each other. He might just be sticking around so as not to break your heart.
I suggest you end the intimate relationship with your bf and become friends instead. I'm glad you have found out that there might be someone more suited for you, but don't invest too much in this new guy as there might be still someone else for you to find.
Good wishes
drjean
Hi there.
I would definitely say end the relationship. While I am not on your side for cheating in the relationship, the idea that you did shows that you are not wanting to be in the relationship itself.
You don't want to break his heart, but you have cheated on him? You sound conflicted.
You need to end the relationship now, and let him know why. It will hurt him, yes, but it is better than having him left with wondering if he was the reason the relationship ended.
And then, perhaps, if you told him, the relationship could somehow be fixed?
Best,
Clyde