My husband is terminal(with a yr to live) and for 30+ yrs he has done many good things for me when I was sick. He also beats me with whatever he can get. He's very controlling I've left him many, many times, because he beats me and I return because he gets sick and I feel sorry for him. I don't want to get killed. He's threaten to kill me before he dies. He says I don't care about him because I lie to him and I won't obey him. I've been beaten on my head so much that my equilibrium is off. He needs me to assist him in getting down the stairs and he is in pain 24/7. He won't let me go anywhere only to work. At home, I can't use the bathroom without his permission.I'm afraid he will have me put in jail. I haven't done anything to warrant it but he's a good liar.
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Answers
Thanks so much for the encouragement. I did stay last weekend and again he beat me on my head with the bat and the butt of a gun. I can only imagine how it will be this weekend with 3 days of living hell with him. Yes, I've been brain-washed into thinking that I need him for everything. I can think for myself when I'm not with him but when I am I do everything wrong. He is very controlling, I can't use the words I think, I'm going to, I forgot, or I want. Everything must be perfect and I have to remember everything he's ever told me to do. I don't remember, after being hit on my head so many times. Who would?
After leaving so many times, this time is rough because I'm not that angry at him but I'm afraid to be with him for fear of what he will do.
He has a friend to help him when I'm gone. He really doesn't need me at least he tells me that all the time. He says I never do anything to help him. No one could make him happy.
He has been beating me since 1988 and each time I leave and return the beatings are always worse. I return because I feel sorry for him and I know he doesn't have anyone to help him. He has ms, diabetes, 2 broken hips, etc. But it doesn't stop him from beating me.
I have to leave and never return no matter how sick he is.
No one deserves to be beaten or to fear for their own life, especially within their own house. If I was you I'd pack the things I really need and leave. If you feel as if he really does need someone, though, there's always hospice, that way you won't be plagued by guilt. Here's a link.
http://www.hospicenet.org/
I agree. While I hate for someone who needs help to not get it, he shouldnt be abusing you either. Perhaps if you spent some time without him, and he knew he needed you, perhaps it could change it?
Did this happen BEFORE the terminal illness? Of course, it isnt right any way at all, but I am curious.
Best,
Clyde
Beating anyone is a crime and there is no obligation on your part to help him out. If he has threatened your life you need to leave tonight.
There is NEVER a good excuse to allow someone to beat you and if he has in fact threatened your life you aren't safe being with him on your own. You need to leave. He has brainwashed you into thinking you need to be there and that is wrong. If you want to "help" him because he is ill do it in other ways but you aren't supposed to let anyone threaten to kill you. Imagine if he was doing the same things to a child of yours. You would do whatever it takes to protect that child and you need to do the same for yourself.
To get the answer to your question you really need to focus on your heart and think of all the past things that have happened. It seems like your a nice person, and no one should be treated the way he has treated you. I really don't think he knows how much HE needs YOU, and maybe leaving him would show him that when he cant get up and down the stairs without you there anymore. On the other side I see how you could feel about feeling sorry for him that he is doing poorly with his health right now, but it still doesn't take away from the beatings you have experienced. If he is threatening YOUR life, you need to leave to protect yourself. I think you know deep down you need to get out before he hurts you to a point where it could potentially reach death.
It will be hard, but please protect yourself, no one deserves to be treated so poorly, and a man should never lay a hand on a women. There's many guys out there that will treat you so much better then he ever did.
He needs you more then you need him. Dig deep into your heart and you'll figure this out too:)
I hope I helped!
Keep posting if you like
Best of luck and prayer
~~Perp~~