My wife of 20 years was molested by step dads and uncles for several year. She was in a foster home for a while. At age 15 she had got pregnant by a druggie boyfriend and her mom made her have an abortion. Her mom has been married 8 times also. During our marriage she has had 3 affairs. I just found out from my daughter that she had found another phone in my wife's purse, she went thru the text and there was some vulgar ones. I then caught her texting him what she was doing to herself in the tube while thinking about him. She tells me it was just mental not physical with him. And she has been talking to him for a year. She tells me she needs help, I know she needs help, that is why i have been with her for so long, i also think she is bi polar, always depressed. We have 2 kids, son 15, and daughter 17, I told her it was time we went our separate ways, I am getting an apartment in the next few weeks. I work a 24 on and 48 off shift. She wants the kids to stay with me and on the days i work she would stay there with the kids. on my 2 days off she will stay at her moms but wants 1 of the days to be together with the kids. She says she just doesnt want to hurt me or the kids anymore. Her issues with me is I havent trusted her after we got back together 3 years ago. She said she can see it in my eyes and that in my eye she would always be a slut. I love her so much and the thought of not being with her kills me. If she gets help, which she says she is doing, which i want her to do so bad, should i try again to make things work? She has been my life, and my best friend for 20 years.
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Answers
Oh yeah, I definitely think it is worth it.
It would definitely be nice to have the both of you in therapy together, and especially her, as she really does seem to need the help.
It seems that you really do want to work it out, so yes, I would say, go with it!
Best,
Clyde
Jamesems, I think it's great that you are trying to help her with this, and working to keep your marriage. It is worth it!
Since she recognizes that she needs help, see if you both can enter therapy together. It might be that she needs some personal therapy on her own, but I'm sure the therapist you see together will be able to determine that. Once you see if she is committed to working on herself, and the marriage, then you will be able to make a better decision.
Good wishes!
drjean
I know i love her with all my heart, just hope she does get the help,if not i know she will be with the first guy that shows her attention and then her life with be in a downward spiral. Just kills me to think that as much as she tells me she loves me there is still a void i cant fill.
Now I am in no way an expert on this but my mom was sexually abused by her father since she was 11 up until she was in her mid 20's so I know it's an intense psychological battle and affects a person greatly. When it comes down to it, she needs a lot of help. I feel for her and I'm sorry that she has chosen to do all these things but you have to think of your well being as well as your kids. Is her actions going to affect the children (particularly the daughter) and how is it affecting you? You love her and if you really feel that she is changing for the better I would take another chance. The thing is she has had such a vicious cycle in her life as well as her family so the chances of her actually leaving the old lifestyle that she has had is slim (not saying there is no hope because there always is.) It's really in your hands, because you have known the woman for so long and feel such a great attachment to her. Wait a little longer possibly, search yourself and see if you ready for her again. If she is really getting help like she saying she is ease your way back into her life, but if you get any indication that there is something wrong trust your instinct. It is not her fault that she was sexually abused and grew up in a place that didn't have the greatest of examples but there comes a point in your life where you have to be held accountable for you own actions. She can leave the pain and past behind her, she just needs to find strength within herself. She can do it, I hope she can and I hope that things will work out. Hang in there.