I dated him a year and a half ago for a little over a month. Although shortlived, it was the best relationship I've been in thus far. We broke up because the mother of his child started telling him she missed him. He told me he was confused and couldn't see me anymore. We remained friends though and continued to talk thru texts or emails occasionally. He did eventually end up getting back with her but only after he had some sort of sexual relationship with another woman. About 4 months into him being back with his child's mother we had hung out as friends twice. One time he tried to be all cuddly but I wasn't having it. Then six months into it he called me up one night last July 4th telling me he was drunk and couldn't drive and could I please come get pick him up from the bar. I did. I helped him into my house. He tried things with me and I told him no, that he was drunk. I was trying to be the good friend I think I am. The next morning when he's sober he tells me how it sucks being back with her. And we end up sleeping together. A few months past and his gf finds out. Starts harrassing me. Meanwhile he's blaming it all on me. It hurt me a lot. I didn't talk to him for 8 months. Then this past March I hear thru a friend that the girl he slept with before getting back with his child's mother, now his current gf, is talking a lot of crap about me to my friends and mutual aquaintences. I call him asking him to tell her to stop. He tells me that she is lying, that they aren't dating, and in fact had broken up a few months prior. Then him and I start talking every day for a couple weeks until mid March we hang out and end up sleeping together. Fast forward to present time. He is now back with most recent ex gf. We remained friends since our little meeting in March and have been talking thru messages since then. If we see eachother out he comes over and says hello, even when he is with his gf. Today he called me asking what I was up to and came over to hang out. He was here all day. We watched movies, took a walk, talked. He started telling me a lot of the problems he's having with his gf, saying he wouldn't care if she found out he was here. We sat on the couch, cuddling watching tv all day and eventually kissed. But I didn't let it go any further. After he leaves he then messages me saying "that always happens". I don't know what to do. I know I should stop but I can't. I care about him so much. I wouldn't even care if HE stopped and we were just really friends. It just always seems to happen when we are alone together. Does he still have feelings for me? Or is he just using me when he's feeling down? I don't know. Its almost if I knew he still had feelings for me I wouldn't feel so bad doing what I'm doing. How sad is that?
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Answers
(((Confused)))
You have answered your own question. You know you should stop. You may care about him, but does it appear he cares for you?
It seems he only "cares for" or comes to see you when he is having problems with her, and sadly, it seems as though he is just using you for the sex and the attention he is getting.
Its not sad, as you said about your issues...you are human, and you have every right to feel the way you feel. Of course, I know its aggravating and agonizing the way you are being treated, but you have to stand up for yourself with it also.
"Just kissed" is not too good either--I am not trying to be all prudish here, but he just appears to continually lead you on, then leave you when things are better with his other relationship.
You deserve so much better, especially more than someone cheating on his gf with you, then cheating on you with his gf.
Best,
Clyde