After just over a year and a half, my girlfriend says that she doesnt want to be in a relationship with anyone. She doesnt want to split up with me because she likes someone else or anything like that, she just doesnt want a boyfriend. We are still really close after the break-up but i cant bare it and we both still love each other.Everytime i see or speak to her it makes me feel happy but it also hurts more than anything in the process. Is there any advice you can give me on what to do (or what not to do) and how i can make her see that what we had before was the most special thing in the world to both of us, which it was. thankyou very much and any help would be appreciated.
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Answers
Hi, it's Sunny again.
I just wanted to add, that this could be as simple as her feeling as though she just has so much going on in her life right now, that she can't handle a relationship at the moment.
People handle stress in many different ways.
I've read all the replies you've received so far, and I would absolutely say the same; stick by her. Let her know that you're here for her, and don't try to force your way in. Just let her know that you care, and give her the space she desires. For me, I had been feeling for a long time, that I needed to 'pull myself together' and that's why I could no longer handle a relationship. A lot of things I had been repressing had begun re-surfacing, and I felt as though I couldn't handle the 'expectations' he had of me as a 'stable' person in his life. I felt like I was breaking.
I felt like I needed to go it alone for a while. Alas, I am too much of a 'tough girl' and just couldn't 'show a weakness' by explaining that I couldn't handle it and needed time, so I never talked to him..I just stayed. I'm still dealing with things, and I'm glad for my choice. If she was brave enough to come and level with you, then she'll really respect you for honoring her decision..for whatever reason she has. If she ever finds her voice to tell you 'why' make sure you have your listening ears on. It helps to feel understood, and she will be grateful if you can identify with her..or even just offer your silent support.
I hope it all works out well for you. Have faith and take it one day at a time.
:) Sunny
Has she been fighting depression?
Do you know if she's maybe been through something that's beginning to cause her emotional pain? If so, then maybe she feels as though she just can't handle it right now.
Maybe there's just too much going on inside her head.
I would talk to her over coffee or dinner or something, and ask her if there's anything wrong, that you could be supportive of. In my humble opinion.
Hey there. I think maybe she just needs some time to herself. Stand by her and just keep close to her and be her friend. Maybe she'll change her mind, but if not, at least she's still in your life. I know it's hard, but just give her some space and she may come around.
Make sure she knows you're there, whenever she needs. Like Cyde said, take it slowly, it will be beneficial.
Best of luck,
Leanne
Well, I do sympathize with you. However, the best thing to do would be just to continue to be close to her, and be the best friend and support you can be to her, and hopefully she turns around...
She may just need time to herself to decide what she wants. It may work out, and it may not for the two of you, but if you push her towards forcing it, it wont work out for sure.
Just take your time, and best wishes. I know its really hard to take it slow, but believe me, she will appreciate you more if you are still kind and gentle than she would if you forced her hand...