Avatar Posted by kkmomma 1955 days ago (Question)
Here is my question I am living with a man I love so much I could forgive for anything. We have been living together for 2yrs seeing each other for almost 5 this v-day. When I was six months pregnant with his child, he was going to leave me for one of his ex. But realized after 2 days that he was living in the past, begged me back been fine for over a year now. Then about 2 1/2 months ago he tells me he met this person whom he doesn't understand has stolen his heart. He still loves me, but loves her also. We split for two months and about 3 wks ago he started begging me to come home. He said he realized that without me in his life he is not whole... blah all the stuff i wanted to hear. Against my better judgment following my heart I came back.. Now tonight he is out and my gut says he is seeing the girl I have not proof maybe its my insecurity. who knows??? I love him so much that I would do anything to have him feel how I feel towards him. I am starting to realize that you just can't change how someone feels, but then I am so confused because he begged me back. someone help me before I go nuts!!


Answers


Clyde
1955 days ago
My friend, you answered your own question. He cannot make up his mind--you are always gonna be in that option if you stay with him.

I cannot really see him loving the both of you, regardless of what he tells you. I feel horrible for you, because I can tell you are upset, but you deserve someone who will be with you and you only.

Best of luck...

Clyde
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stupidgirl
464 days ago
I know that i will lose the closest friend ever and you are right. So how would you put to him to understand that it cant be both ways
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kkmomma
1955 days ago
Thanks i know i deserve better, but the situation of me leaving is now even harder... i am financially strapped to him, I have his daughter and my family has pretty much disowned me since i came back. no where to run... just sitting here realizing more and more that he does not love me like I love him and never will. I am just going to have to take it one step at a time. He just tells me things and I believe him all the time. But, just as much as I believe him i have that gut feeling that I am getting played. The more i feel that the angrier i get. The stronger I get also.
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helpmydeath
1955 days ago
kkmomma, I'm sorry to say it but... it does sound like you're getting played. I have to agree with Clyde, you do deserve better and I really can't believe he loves both of you. I'm not saying he's lying, he just doesn't know what he wants. You're not his play-thing, make sure he knows that. Always trust your gut feeling also.

Maybe a temporary leave from him to get your head straight would work? Let him figure out what he wants, and you to figure out what you really want to do. And you also need to think about your daughter, do you want her growing up around a man who's cheated and played you? I wouldn't think so.

But being financially attached to him makes it all the more harder to get out of the relationship, if that's what you want. Is it possible for you to become de-tangled with him, financially? If you have no one else, make new friends and explain it to them. Maybe move in with a friend if you're currently living with your boyfriend.

I'm here to listen, if you want to talk,

Leanne
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kkmomma
1955 days ago
Well i am taking steps towards untangling myself from him, like getting a better job, putting money on the side. But it will be awhile before I can move out on my own.. children are expensive and had I known that he was not going to be the forever type I would not have had his child. I feel stuck, I feel lost and alone. Friends are few since most don't understand how I could come back and are just going to look at me with that I told you so look. I can not really handle another failed attempt without being past my emotional distress. I want to be strong, but its a battle that is very hard. My heart keeps saying he loves you look at what he says, but my mind is saying you are such a naive girl for believing a word this person is telling you. His behavior changes one day he is all caring about me and his daughter, next day I am going out with the boys and if you have a problem with it leave. I do not get it. I really don't and can't take much more before I crack. Anyway thanks for listening and responding. It is refreshing to hear other opinions on the outside because you are unbiased to the situation.
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betweenlife
1955 days ago
Hello... I'm new here and I'm sorry my English isn't that good but I want to tell you something and maybe this will help you think other ways and new ways. I'm not telling you to do it but I want you to think different and thats how you will find your own way.

I think He is Very Secure with you. That is he takes you whenever he wants or Needs you and he could change you with someone else whenever he feels like it KNOWING that he can take you back whenever he wants.

I'd say Break this picture he has built in his brain!! How? well...

Make him afraid of loosing you.. make him believe that if he does such things again you can leave him for someone else As well! Take time for yourself! go out with your friends get a baby sitter or make him be with his child too!! Meet other People as FRIENDS! (you don't need to be cheating on him) but you could go out with your lady friends and have fun with others maybe you fall in-love with someone else?? and leave him for a change.... would he take you back?

another thing you said.. about he is supporting you money wise.... well get some more money out of his account... for all the pain that he has made you feel and leave him.... its not like you cant find a job and have a baby sitter??
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drjean
1953 days ago
Oh I'm sorry you are in this situation, but yes, you need to continue to make your own life better and leave this guy in the dust.

I just wish I could help others like you realize that living together, without any real commitment is just not a good idea, and often ends up with very hurt, and very changed lives.

You sound like a strong person, and I applaud your asking for help. I think you really do know what is right to do for you and your child, and go by your "gut." It's unfortunate that the very people who you expect to be there for you, family, are not. I wouldn't give up on them though, often a contrite heart will melt family.

good wishes

drjean
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kkmomma
1952 days ago
About the family I have put them threw so much in the past 2yrs with this man, they do not understand how I can love him... The weird thing is neither can I lately. The past 4 days have been opening my eyes to the fact that he does not care one single bit about my feelings or emotions. He says he does not understand why he can't stop thinking about that girl, or why when I was gone he could not stop thinking about me. He is more confused then me, but his actions speak so loud he doesn't even see it.
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21bapz
1240 days ago
Girl, help yourself. you got your life depended on a person who is insane. Get a job and ask for childsupport. and with all the bills concerning, try to bring it to the court...stop circling in a loop, coz that's seems to be the things that you are doing now, if you'll gonna continue doing that, you'll be going nowhere.and you're whole life ould be ruined. If my suggestion on how to get out of that freaking realtionship is not that much possible, then you got to think an alternative way to get out of that relationship in all possible ways. Think, think, think...use your freaking head, that is what it is for. 1 is enough, 2 is too much, 3 forget it...Put that theory into application..He already got all of his chance, and he just wasted it..Then, he got to suffer the consequensces..Bring yourself back to life girl...DO IT..
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drjean
1166 days ago
(((kkmomma)) I'm glad to read that you are wising up with this user. Stop all physical attention and see if he makes up his mind any sooner. He has no need to give you any further attention to your needs, he has everything he wants, why should he change it? (I'm so sorry that a child is involved.)

Open a savings account if you can, with a bank that allows little money to begin it. Once you have a certain amount in there, you can get a credit card IN YOUR NAME ONLY with the savings to secure it. Make sure you are not on any of his credit accounts right now, and if you are signed on any utilities etc, write them (and keep a copy) that you are no longer (as of such and such date) responsible for his debts.

Seek help from the local women's shelter. You may not need them physically, but they have great ideas and resources as to how to get out of such a relationship safely. You never can tell how a man will react once the women wises up to his shenanigans!

Do you have proof that it's his child? Secure that if you can. That way he can help support his child in the future, whether you want it that way or not, you owe it to the child.

You will be amazed at how your feelings change once you know you no longer have to be ruled by this guy. You'll be able to make more and more better decisions for your own best interest, and that of your child. Good wishes!
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beretta92
909 days ago
Removed_by_a_moderator.
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