I recently just got married. I am afraid I made a huge mistake. We had been dating for several years and about a year into the relationship we began having more frequent fights. I grew up in a family of four boys and we never talked about our feelings, however she grew up in a family of four girls and always talked about their feelings. I am trying to be more verbal for her, but its just not who I am. So, we often get into fights that include me not taking initiative in conversations or how I do not "acknowledge" her feelings. Even when I listen to her and converse with her, I occasionally get the "your not acknowledging my feelings" line. I admit that I am not good at the emotions and feelings thing.
Here is my problem... I feel like whenever there is a problem it is always my fault. To her... it is. I never argue or complain about her faults or things she does. I have recently become more defensive though and we argue a lot. The arguements usually end when I give up and just start stonewalling her. It's always my fault. Every arguement we have lately is always because she is unhappy with what I am doing or have done in the past 30 minutes. An arguement never starts with me complaining about her. I just don't like to argue.
I dunno what to do. I don't like talking about my feelings and I'm a private kinda guy. I bottle things up (which I know is bad for me). I am probably passive-aggressive too (which I know and recognize as a problem for any relationship). I have tried to work on my faults, but with the amount of critizim and expectations I get from her... it just drives me crazy and I wind up doing stupid things like trying to run away from her and trying to do something else to get my mind off the problem. I value my alone time and when things get hot, I tend to gravitate towards being alone. I feel that I need to cool off and just come back to the problem later with a cool head. However, my wife does not let me cool off or leave me alone. So, it escalates into a yelling match and then she starts to invade my bubble of comfort. I understand that this is not physical abuse, but when I leave the room... I leave to get away from her. It doesn't work when she follows me and keeps talking to me.
I am not proud to say that I have slapped her hands away from me and pushed her away from me in order to get my space. She yells abuse and I know its wrong for me to hurt her in any way, but she won't leave me alone for a minute until I go that far. She never lays the first hand... its me, i admit, but by the time that comes... i have been verbally assaulted by her critizim and manipulation for the past hour or so. Its a build up... I never have out-right hit her. The worst I have done is grab her and push her away.
I feel like I can't handle being around her. I have dated plenty of women before and never had this problem. I have never once touched or hurt any other woman before. I am ashamed at myself for being this weak, but on the other hand I have never been so angry at a girl to go this far.
We recently just got married and I feel like it was a big mistake. I don't know what to do, and I am afraid that if I stay with her I will come to resent her, hurt her, or be arrested for domestic violence.
I don't know how to describe my problem any further than this. If anyone has any feedback, I would appreciate it.
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