Avatar Posted by dusky1 42 days ago (Question)
For as long as I can remember, I have had feelings for girls, but it has only been emotional, I can't think of myself (as myself) having sex with a woman, unless I imagine myself as a man.
I also like men very much. I love sex, whenever I think of sex, I think of men, and well, generally, a girl can't turn me on.
However, it seems as though i am broken in two...because while I get all emotional about a girl I can't about a guy and if i do have feelings for a guy, once he gets too close, i get turned off immediately.
I don't want to be gay, society wise and all and personally, i just don't want to, like I want to be with guys, I want to have a boyfriend, but my inability to committ to a guy, while developing feelings for girls is really getting in the way.
I also have problems expressing my emotions in general, as well as accepting love from others. I am told that I am very attractive and I have had some sexual encounters only recently with guys and have enjoyed it and It has helped me out a bit where going there is concerned....but still, i can't get close and I still like girls....help!


Answers

Written by bellacutie 42 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Since you're completely against the whole idea of being gay and you're not sexually attracted to women then you're not gay. Maybe you haven't found the right man who satisfies your emotional needs as well as physical needs. Did you have a good relationship with your father or do you have brothers? Are you sure you're not denying sexual feelings for women? I hope you figure this out and best of luck.

Written by dusky1 42 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I do think that part of the reason is in fact that i just haven't found the right guy, but I also meet really nice guys all the time, but like I said, once they start getting too close, i immediately get turned off, like to the point that if they call me I get disgusted, and the thought of sex with them disturbs m e. All of my sexual encounters have been with guys that I hardly knew like no emotional attachment, just physical, but lately I've been wanting to get into a relationship, but when I meet a guy, the same damn thing happens (the time frame is usually 2-4 weeks before it happens). And no, I don't have a relationship with my father, never have and I don't have any brothers either. And I told u, if i think about a woman sexually, I usuLLY THINK OF MYSELF AS A MAN. Thanks for ur help though.

Written by PrincessLucy 42 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi dusky1,

I've been through a similar situation before. Try not to label yourself until you get older and are more sure of yourself. I had bad experiences with guys and was always atracted to girls since I was 5 years old...so I put myself through a lot of bad experiences with man, women and couples till I found the right person to be with me. I am married and have a son. I still find a lot of women attractive but I have decided that it is against my morals to date man and women at the same time and it is not good for my mental health either. The 3 girls that I dated for a short period of time were not ready for relationships and others weren't ready to admit to themselves or to the world that they were gay. (and all of them were those kind of girls that you can tell, it is written on their forehead that they are gay hahaha.)

I was in love with all of them (during different times of course) and I was willing to tell the world that I was their partner, but they chickened out. It is hard for me now to tell people, some ask me if I'm an ex-gay, or ex-bi. But I know that I will always be bisexual eventhough I have decided to get married and have children. I just made the commitment not to act upon my desires.

To me you should try, experience and figure it out for yourself. No one can diagnose your gayness! hehehehe It is not a mental ilness!

Lots of love, God bless you.

Written by bellacutie 41 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Thanks for reminding me about your statement - you imagine yourself as a man when fantasizing about women. Perhaps you may be gay but you're the more dominant partner. I agree with the above poster to just relax and don't label yourself if you're confused. She's right there's nothing wrong if you are gay, bisexual or homosexual. Good luck.

Written by dusky1 41 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

yes well that's the problem....i do think it's a problem if am gay or anything related....I don't want to be!....oh and you telling me I may be gay, somehow or the other turned my stomach and made me sick....I think I just got a headache too....honestly don't know why I had that type of extreme reaction though! even though i said i don't want to be...still...this feeling was..suddenly...extreme!

Written by Clyde 41 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Well, I can definitely understand the extreme feeling, but you asked the question, and this is kind of what it is coming across to us as, as the answerers.

You really can only answer what you are or not. Maybe you are bisexual, maybe not?

Maybe you are just not able to get close to men because you have never got close to your Dad?

Best,

Clyde

Written by bellacutie 41 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Dusky,

I certainly didn't mean to upset you. Since you're confused and admit you fantasize about women from a man's point of view - I'm trying to look at this from different angles. Your question, is "am I a lesbian" - only you know the answer to that really. I am very open minded about peoples sexual orientation because my own brother was gay. I don't find it a sickening topic. BTW some homosexuals struggle sometimes at first with admitting and accepting they're gay. Personally I'm heterosexual and I've never fantasized about women.

I would agree with Clyde - maybe it's because you haven't experienced a strong emotional connection with men before. That's why I asked initially about your father or if you had brothers. I didn't say for certainty you are gay, only possibly. I was only responding to cues/clues in your post. Just relax and follow your instincts/heart.

Written by dusky1 41 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Thanks...I understand....it was just....a little unnerving.

Written by AppleJuiceGirl 34 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I'm not sure how much this will help you, but I sort of have the same thing going on. I have always liked boys, but I recall "trying to kiss" another girl when I was in elementary school. It was late night and we were talking, and I just leaned in and out like I was trying to kiss her, but didn't. I have no idea why, really, it always confuses me when I think about it. I am also attracted to some women physically but I can NOT picture myself having sex with them!

I would like to point out what you said about fantasizing about having sex with women, but you are the man. I don't have these fantasies, but I do look at porn and stuff, and I find myself always looking at the women, seeing if she's enjoying, whether or not she's good looking, etc. I don't enjoy lesbian porn, I just enjoy watching men have sex with women.

I don't know what it is. I don't want to be gay or bi, and I love my boyfriend and having sex with him.

I've pretty much come to conclusion to just.. accept it. I accept the fact that I'm not homosexual or bisexual, but think women are hot. As a woman, I find that I am more obsessed with other women's bodies than men's -- perhaps it's because I envy them or just think women are more beautiful than men. It's kinda odd, I guess. That may not be the answer you're looking for -- to just "accept it" but it's worked for me.

Thanks for posting, I feel less alone.


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