Avatar Posted by blitz143 182 days ago (Question)
I recently did a program for school in another country and early on in it I was very attracted to one girl, with whom I slept with the first night we went out (With our groups of friends) together. We continued hooking up progressively more and more, until it became a daily thing, and we developed feelings for one another. After about 2 months I asked her what we were doing (finally), to which she replied that she wanted me to be her boyfriend very badly and was not seeing anyone else. I stupidly asked if she had hooked up with anyone else, and she said yes, 1 guy, with whom she had sex with about a week and a half after we first had sex. This killed me. She explained to me that she came to the school program with the mentality that she was not looking for a relationship (her past ones have been verbally abusive with boyfriends who would cheat on her and she would forgive them, and she has also been raped once) and that she had wanted to hook up with a local of the country we were in and while the sex wasnt planned, it did happen, she has said she even assumed that I could be doing the same things... She was very honest and was broken down in tears and short of breath, and I knew she really liked me, but I just couldn't do it. I had not slept with anyone else, or even hooked up in anyway with anyone else, since I thought, while we werent official and hardly "too" emotionally attached, doing that could hurt the other person. I also misjudged her character, but judging from her history and the fact she slept with me the first night, maybe I was just naive. I told her i didnt want to be official, and she said that she wanted to prove to me and make me know how much she wanted a relationship. So the program continued and I eventually began to get over it and see her again, not official, but nonetheless hook up, and even at this point start actually dating and going out to places together. I began to realize It was not until weeks after the program started that we even really hung out and went places together (rather then hook up) and I began to take her sex with another guy less personally. I am now officially dating her, but for some reason i cant seem to shake off that she slep with a guy imbetween us hooking up. It was a one night stand, which she regrets horribly I can tell and she is very apologetic but really only thought we were hooking up for fun and never planned for things to get to where they are, but why cant I get over it!?? Its not that I dont trust her, i do, very much, but im just in shambles over it, I feel like I was treated like a piece of ass by her, and maybe I just cant get over it... what should i DO!


Answers

Written by zanzivar 182 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

You should just get over it once and for all. What's all the big deal about? So what if she slept with someone else. She's after picking you. Isn't that the most important part? A lot of us in the world have acted the same way and after all we are only all human. Are you sure that you maybe using this as an excuse to stop yourself getting too emotionally attached? Or maybe you care for her far more than you thought you did?

Zanzivar

Written by blitz143 181 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I definitely think you are right that I cared for her far more than I thought I did from the beginning.

Written by bellacutie 181 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I think you should let it go. That's the problem with casual sex - it was a one night stand for both of you, so you can't blame her. Neither of you knew at that stage, it would develope into a real relationship. The truth is, if you have one night stands, you do risk feeling used - so don't engage in one night stands again, if this relationship doesn't work out. Let it go and just enjoy the time you have together now. Good luck :) Bella

Written by blitz143 181 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I understand this, but the fact that it wasnt a one night stand (referring to me and her), and we continued to have sex at least 3-4 times before her other encounter makes me feel that maybe she knew it could progress to something, but was willing to shirk it off because she wanted to hook up with a local. This is obviously a very bad outlook on the situation, but its how I feel sometimes and it hurts.

Written by bellacutie 181 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Maybe she was unsure of her feelings even though you were together numerous times. I understand you feel hurt, but the important thing is - she is committed to you now and regretful. Try to live in the moment and don't think about the past. Even though you felt a strong connection, maybe she wasn't aware of that - the important thing is she does now. There's really nothing you can do to change the past. You don't want to let the feelings you have, ruin your relationship now. Best of luck. :)

Written by Edahn 180 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

You just have to stop analyzing it. I'm not even sure you and her WERE in a different place at first. You slept with her the first night -- how strong could your feelings have been? How much could you really have invested in her? I think you were both looking for something to sooth your appetites. Eventually, you started to get more attached and her mind was in another place. Maybe you feel like she cheated on you in some way, but I don't think she really thought YOU were that interested. Maybe if she knew how interested you were, she would not have done that.

I would suggest you see this like someone she had sex with BEFORE you met her. Those people aren't really your concern. I also think you need to stop analyzing this and just do your best to stop going there. If you notice your mind going there, put it on something else like something funny you saw. To stop obsessing about this also means that you stop looking to solve it. Just let it go and STOP and it will solve itself.

Written by Clyde 175 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I agree...you both slept with each other the first night you met?

Thats not feelings, thats just friends with benefits stuff.

Best,

Clyde


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