Avatar Posted by Jewls19 155 days ago (Question)
I have decided i might leave my boyfriend but I don't know how. I have only had one other relationship which is sad. I know he loves me and this will kill him but I think this is for the best. You all told me I should leave him so now if you could please tell me how I would appreciate it. Also can you tell me how to deal with my own depression from this? This is going to hurt like no other to do this. I'm sorry if I sound like a baby but I just don't know what to do because I don't want to hurt him. The sad thing is I'm certain if I do this he will ruin his life and go back to Detroit and drop out of school. Please help me...


Answers

Written by bellacutie 154 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi Jewels19,

I think you need to be honest with him and tell him in your own way. If you think he's the type to be dramatic then bring someone for support. Due to the fact that he has convinced you in the past to give him money for pot/alcohol, then he sounds like the kind of guy who's very convincing, so be aware of that. It seems like he has you convinced that he will fall apart and he will take advantage and plead that he's desperate. You aren't responsible for him, he is and he knows how to play on your sympathy.

Many times substance abusers partners fall into the role of caregiver and enabler to the user partner. You need to stop focusing on him because he will drag you down.

If you stay with him your life will fall into the same unpredictable path. If you break up with him this won't destroy him because he's doing that already on his own.

Once you break up, don't fall into the pattern of going back with empty promises - be firm. For you it will be hard at first but it will get better in time. You need to keep busy with friends and family. Be kind to yourself with healthy eating and exercise. You also need to remind yourself that YOU aren't responsible for him. Best of luck.

Written by Edahn 154 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Exactly. Just be honest and straightforward and make sure you ACTUALLY end it.

Regarding the depression afterwards, I would say there isn't much you really have to do. Breakups are sad and feeling sad for a while is healthy. You don't have to rush through it; it'll pass on its own before you know it, even if it takes a little time.

~E

Written by Clyde 150 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Exactly again. You cant just stay with him because it makes him happy. You have to have a life too. If you are unhappy in the situation, you deserve to have some time for happiness on your own.

You must be firm and do it.

You are not responsible for him at all.

Best,

Clyde


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