MY EX PARTNER AND MOTHER TO OUR LITTLE BOY SUFFERED SEXUAL CHILD ABUSE OVER MANY YEARS(NOT PENERATIVE)
WE LIVED TOGETHER FOR 6 YEARS .
SHE WOULD ALWAYS WANT ME TO TIE HER UP/BITE HER/HAIR PULLING/SCRATCHING ETC ETC.BUT NOT MY THING.
NOW IM REALLY WORRIED FOR HER SHE IS BY ALL ACCOUNTS FRESH MEAT ON THE BDSM SWINGERS SCENE BEING SHACKELED FISTED SPANKED ETC,
I WORRY ABOUT HER..SHOULD I?? IS THERE A CONNECTION WITH HER EARLIER ABUSE??
I WORRY ABOUT THE MENTAL EFFECT OF HER OTHER OLDER CHILDREN FINDING OUT..SHOULD I BE??
I WORRY MY CHILD COULD SEE SOMETHING AS SOME OF THESE INTERNET BDSM STRANGERS VISIT HER HOUSE
AND FINALLY I WORRY WHAT THE OUTCOME OF THIS EXTREME SEXUAL ADVENTURE WHEN OR HOW IS THIS LIKEY TO END??
WHAT SHOULD I DO TO HELP HER AND THE CHILDREN ??
SOCIAL SERVICES WONT HELP AS THERE IS NO IMMEDIATE DANGER TO THEM


Answers


bella
1215 days ago
Hi woblyjejjy - I'm sorry you're troubled by this, but it's good you're asking questions. If you separate your exes sexual activities - would you describe her as a good mother who's taking care of her childs needs? If the answer is yes, then I encourage you to separate what she does privately from her role as a mother.

To answer your questions - yes it's possible her past abuse could be influencing her sex life now, but not absolutely certain - meaning I'm sure there's many people who are into this, who haven't been abused. I encourage you to read some information on the subject and this would put things in a better perspective. I normally would include a wikipedia link but it has some pics that wouldn't be appropriate for this website. Since many people here suffer from past abuse, I wouldn't want to trigger anyone - so you can look this up on wiki yourself.

I would only be concerned if she's meeting complete strangers off the internet and bringing them home - not because of the BDSM but because they're strangers period. If she's doing most of this outside the home, then you shouldn't worry - this is really her business.

If you read about it - there is a code of conduct usually and they talk things out before it happens(negotiate) - often they have a 'SAFE' word so they can stop the act if necessary. This used to be considered a mental disorder years ago, but this was changed in 1994 and isn't considered a mental issue now. It involves a great deal of role playing.

As long as your kids are taken care of, then you shouldn't worry. You also shouldn't worry about her - she's an adult. Your kids won't end up being the same way - either a person is into it or not, as you can attest to - you weren't able to enjoy this kind of activity. I will say though, she shouldn't be doing this when the kids could hear for obvious reasons - they would fear their mother is being hurt for real. I hope this helps.



TheKindMisanthrope
1214 days ago
Bella pretty much said it all, but I just wanted to add that sometimes abuse survivors will turn to BDSM as a way to be in control of a sexual situation. This is even true of masochists/submissives, as in reality it is always them who has the last word in what is and is not allowed to happen. In general, the BDSM scene is a safe one, despite the outward appearance.