Avatar Posted by Sunflower02 1501 days ago (Question)
I have been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years. We have a strong loving relationship. We are both divorced from cheating spouses. About 2 years ago I was watching his 6 year old daughter and she wanted to play a computer game that she had played with her dad the night before. She didn't know the name so I went to history on the computer to find it and was I shocked at what I saw. There were about 8-10 dating websites and 20+ pictures and notes from women. You have to be a member on these sites to receive notes and pictures. I confronted him about it and first he denied it, then he said he was on them but not corresponding with anyone. I made a fake profile and he replied to it. So I knew he had lied to me. He told me that he had taken off all of his profiles from all the dating sites and I was fine with that and we moved on. He did tell me that I need to learn to trust him and others. A few weeks ago I came to his place for the evening. He was on the computer and I was there with him talking when I noticed emails from a dating site that informed him by name that he had a message. The particular dating site you have to have a profile to get messages. He said I get so many of these kind of messages all of the time. You should see how many I delete. I told him I could not go through another period in our relationship of him being on those sites. He told me I had no trust for anyone. That I really needed help with trust and when would he even have time to do anything because he was always with his kids or me. Again, it is on me because I saw something...He is a wonderful man in every way and I adore him. It is hard to erase the thought that he is looking at other women and dating websites are for dating aren't they? Is my relationship in jeopardy?


Answers


bella
1501 days ago
Hi Sunflower,

I think you have every right to be suspicious and not trust him. It's not your fault that you came upon the websites. But that doesn't mean that he's cheating, but if he's committed to you, then he shouldn't be looking -right? I'm sure he wouldn't like it if you did this.

I don't think you have a problem with trust because trust is earned. I don't have the right to tell you what to do because you will have to decide that for yourself. Trust is one of the pillars of any good relationship and when it's shattered it makes the realtionship fragile. I know very well what it's like when you don't have trust. You both could work it out by it would mean you both have to equally work on it. The first step would be for him to stop blaming YOU for not trusting him. best of luck.
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Polyanna
1500 days ago
Hi Sunflower,

My boyfriend/exboyfriend....we broke up and went out alot, anyway he was doing something similar, but on myspace. I denied it, but I caught him so he had to admit it. Anyway, he's still a pretty good boyfriend, but i caught him a few other times with girls phone numbers in his phones that he wouldn't admit to. If you can, i think you should break up. It's just a matter of how much you can take. The worring and mistrust is taxing on the emotions and soul of a person. Love should lift us up. Now I am the one, i think doing more "shady things" because I don't trust him.

Good luck, If you are loyal you deserve someone else who also is honest and loyal.

Polyana
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Sally71487
1495 days ago
I see where you are coming from. Sometimes men Do this because they want to feel attractive or feel like they are desirable. He may hear it from you all the time but its sort of like a girl going out dressed up with her hair done up to get smiled at. You have to use your best judgement. Do you really think he would leave you or cheat on you? Maybe he is just saying for you to trust him because he would never message anyone back or talk to them he just likes to get attention. If he ends up talking to one of these girls in any flirty way i can see you worrying a bit and confronting him about that. But usually men are just looking for attention. - Sarah
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Clyde
1487 days ago
I think you need to let him go as well. It seems he is continually searching for "others" when he has you.

Some of those emails could just be spam, but if he continues to go to the site, that would definitely make me wonder.

Best,

Clyde
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