Avatar Posted by syddad79 33 days ago (Question)
1.5 ago i decided i was fed up with my current situation with my ex husband. he was uncompromisable, disrespectful, drank too much, procrastinated constantly, wouldn't listen to how i felt, spent way too much money on silly stuff, it seemed that we were no longer emotionally attached


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Written by syddad79 33 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

and every day i grew more and more repulsed by him; didn't want to have sex or even have him touch me in any way. This in mind, i ended up cheating on him on a girls weekend. Then I went back to things being miserable for about 2 months. Started going online and found someone else. We grew a relationship online for about 1.5 months and ended up meeting eachother. It wasn't love at first sight for me, but he was very interesting and was polar opposite of my ex husband at the time. It intrigued me. He wasn't the type to sit in from of the tv all day and watch sports center and being with me was more important than being with his friends. For once, I was first. Time went on and my online beau and I grew closer. I would make excuses to my husband that I was going shopping, out with friends....etc. Constant cell phone communications were making my ex husband suspicious....I would bring my phone to bed and always be very protective of it's contents. After time, about 4 months I couldn't take sneaking around any longer and I knew it was enough and I had to tell my husband. I told him what was going on and that I wanted a separation. It was horrible. We told his parents, that was horrible. So, there was the separation and my ex husband started going out even more and drinking more. I was seeing my online beau more frequently. My ex husband started having casual sex with other women in the community and i was repulsed by some of his choices....but who am I to talk, look what I had done to him right? So about 2 months of separation, we filed for divorce. Two months after that, we were divorced officially. My current bf treats me like a queen, doing things for me that only a prince would do. However, we stuggle with control issues with eachother. I have OCD and want to control everything. My bf wants to control every situation as well. Sometimes he is TOO nice and drives me insane to the point that I want out. He texts me alot, always has a comment on my fb page. I'm a VERY independent person and love my space; he doesn't understand and thinks that i'm going to leave him when I start talking that way. Maybe I'm just being selfish, but the whole idea was that I wanted to be happy...maybe i have mental issues and need more meds idk??? It's kind of funny, my ex husband always gave me my space and it's something that I crave now that I don't have. My new bf and I are moving in together soon...renting...and this WILL be the deciding factor to see if we can co-habitate....does anyone have any positive suggestions for me.......please don't bash......

Written by dusky1 33 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

You are not crazy, it is quite normal to want your own space and you need to find an effective way of letting your new beau know this. I would find it very annoying if he texted me all day and constantly wrote on my f/b page too.

Everyone needs space in a relationship, it's actually healthy for the relationship, people need to be..on their own.

I totally understand how you feel, it's why i'm single.

Also, your b/f may be trying to control the relationship because he's insecure...as most men are.

You need to sit down and talk to him...without fighting, to let him know how you feel.

Best of luck, Dusky.

Written by Thisisit 29 days ago - Show / Hide this answer Rating: -1 | Rate Answer: + -

Written by syddad79 32 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I've talked to him before about the space thing. It gets good for a week and then reverts right back to where it was before. Not to mention, he usually gets extrememly defensive and "pissy" because he thinks that I don't want to be around him AT ALL EVER....that's not the case. I agree, he is EXTREMEMLY insecure, but why should I suffer because of his insecurities? I'm stuck. We're in the middle of moving in together right now and it's to the point where I'm just not sure if this is going to work. I guess time will tell. That's all I have right now. Oh yea, also, my ex husband does not want me to move out because he's still totally in love with me.

Written by Clyde 32 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

You may have to continually remind him of the space issue. He gets so used to doing what he has done his whole life, it is probably super hard to keep it changed.

Best,

Clyde

Written by Thisisit 29 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Do you ever stop and THINK about what you really want or do you just constantly run off to the next and nearest pleasure you can find (without concern of the lives you might hurt)?

Sorry if you consider that bashing. I consider it "the direct approach."

Written by syddad79 26 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I don't know what I want...I explained to my current boyfriend how selfish i am and that i need counseling. i don't know what else to do. also, it's killing me to be from a broken home with my ex that i caused.

Written by Thisisit 26 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Please look into counseling... for your own benefit primarily and for those around you. You CAN find what you want and live a very happy and love-filled life... you just may need a little guidance along the way.

Everyone needs guidance in some way or another, so don't be hard on yourself. That said, be cognizant (as I think you are) of the impact you might be having on other lives.

I really, really hope you find what is right for you and that you do end up with a happy, love-filled life.


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