Avatar Posted by Rose5 21 days ago (Question)
My traveling spouse of 20 years, recently told me he developed a friendship with a woman 10 years older than he is, and they were giving eachother relationship advice. I am not a clinging spouse and very open and not jealous. As more of the story leaked out, found out she is married, but seperated, divorced previously, and they texted over 150 times in 4 days and called 25 times in 4 days-- according to phone records SHE initiated all the calls and texts. One call was 3 hours long!! I confronted him-- he still maintains it's just a friendship thing. I disagree. It wasn't casual, they just met and they are talking about what I consider intimate things because it's someone else's relationship issues-- not just the weather or work. After getting upset at him and telling him I think he is lying as to the extent of what happened- I texted her that she has no right interjecting herself into my marriage and she needs to talk to her own husband and I was going to also. She texted back that she is gay and just friends with my husband. ( NOT so-- my husband told me alot of what they talked about ie our marriage and her marriage and no way is this lady gay,, she just got scared her husband would find out about all this) I told her that she is not gay, she had an ex husband, a husband and going after someone else's husband at her age, isn't gay-- it's pathetic. Husband only admitted under pressure that SHE approached him and when I found the phone records, it was obvious she seemed like a predatory woman. He isn't blameless here, should have never let this go on. He should have never been open to that or started it in the first place. She kept texting away-- I refused to answer her and my husband told her to NEVER call him again, they were no longer friends and deleted her number ( although it is still in records). She texted a few more times to me then stopped. Obviously she seemed obsessed and probably my husband liked the attention at the time. Question is-- did he have an affair? A sexual one? Am I being stupid here? They did have lunch a few times in this two week period they knew eachother-- and he did take her to dinner one night. He won't admit to it, claims no, they didn't. She also claims they didn't and are just friends. I saw none of the texts as they were deleted out of his phone of course. What was done, was enough to break my trust, so not sure it really matters. I am just confused. He is no longer on this job site and this phone stuff happened two weeks before the end of this job. Yet he just talked to her one day before coming home-- that was the 3 hour phone call. He said she helped him to realize how much he loves me, ect ect. Maybe she rebuffed him-- I don't know what to think now. Not at all.


Answers

Written by Chemar 20 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi

his relationship with this woman was not ok whatever happened....

but

there really is no way, other than him telling you, that you can know for sure how far it went.

I think right now, although it is understandable for you to be having trust issues with him, yet you may have to just accept that it is past, and thankfully he no longer works around this woman and it seems she has finally given up trying to contact him.

I guess you also need to ask yourself..... if he did cross the line with her sexually, what would you do? Would that be the end of your marriage? or would you be mad and hurt, but accept that it is over and move forward.

If you feel your marriage is worth saving, nomatter what may have actually happened between them, then the best is to try to move past this. It may be that the two of you would benefit from couples counseling to resolve this

hoping it all works out ok for you

Written by Clyde 20 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Why would he delete the texts? Does he do that on a normal basis, or does he just do it for this girl? If so, I would worry. If not, maybe not as much.

You really need to have a heart to heart with him and see what you can find out.

Best,

Clyde

Written by Rose5 20 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Let's see. He normally doesn't text anyone except a couple work contacts and only deleted this girls, but there was like I said over 150 over the course of 4 days. He claims he had no idea it was that many-- he thought it was like 50 LOL He did look at MY records and see 6 calls from friends we both know in a month. I did try to have the open-- not judging-- heart to heart and he will admit nothing but friendship. He knows if I found out he did cheat I most likely would pursue a divorce.

Written by bellacutie 19 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Since you said you would divorce him if he cheated - do you think it's possible he did cheat and is afraid to tell the truth? He should be getting this emotional connection with you. Why doesn't he text you 150 times like that? She needs to butt out and leave him alone and he needs to stop looking elsewhere for his emotional strokes. You sound like you have it together, best of luck, Bella


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