Avatar Posted by susiev 146 days ago (Question)
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. I was very in love and loyal, but found out he had been cheating on me and had multiple other partners, so we broke up. After a year, he seemed very different and had changed his life around for the better, so we got back together. Since then he has not cheated but has gotten increasingly controlling, and as a result I have lied to be able to spend time with old friends etc. When guilt overcomes me and I admit to the lies I have told, he imposes consequences on me and more rules and says that I deserve them and it is the only way he will trust me and I need to the prove myself and change like he did. I know this is controlling, but is it a logical consequence because I lied and he now can't trust me? I only have told white lies, and would never be unfaithful.


Answers


Chemar
146 days ago
This man is subjecting you to psychological abuse and if I were you I would get away from him ASAP!

Remember, this is the guy who cheated on you! and now he is treating you like YOU are at fault and imposing rules and regulations that are beyond ridiculous.

Unless you want to spend the rest of your life being punished for doing nothing wrong.....????????

You deserve better than this and I do hope you realize just how abusive he is!
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bella
146 days ago
I agree he's being too controlling and not being fair. He's the one who cheated and you shouldn't be expected to give up socializing with friends. He's behaving more like a parent. Don't lie in the future and he shouldn't be telling you not to be with friends. You shouldn't be subjected to consequences. I agree you should seriously reconsider this relationship. You may as well be living with your parents who'll watch you like a hawk like he does. This isn't how a healthy relationship goes.
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allyniles798
145 days ago
i agree with the controlling part. so just talk to him about things. if he really loves you , he will understand.

what it sounds like to me and that he is scared. because of the fact that he cheated on you, maybe he thinks you might get back at him. he knows that he messed up.

but still that doesn't give him a good reason to control your life. so i say just talk to him and hell understand if he really loves you.
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Maia
139 days ago
Sweetheart, you have done absolutely nothing wrong. He has no right to keep you from your friends, and it is terrible that you had to lie just to get away from him. You are in an abusive relationship, and I would advise you to leave.he shouldn't use things against you if he actually loves you. Talk to him about it somewhere public like at a restaurant just in case. If he actually loves you like he says then he will change himself. It says so much about your character that you had the compassion to forgive him for being unfaithful to you. But just because you forgive someone doesn't mean you have to stay around them. Sometimes you have to accept that both of you would be better off without each other. You deserve to be with someone who loves you and treats you right, and I truly hope that you find that person. Thinking of you.
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xpsam
134 days ago
maybe he is acting like this because hes cheated with so many girls and feels like people just cheat. also he probably accepted how sexually active people act. you did say hes changed for better but is controlling. maybe he lost trust in himself and everyone. maybe he needs some help about trust and realize what he did in past caused him to lose his own trust.
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