im dating a convict and dont know what to do anymore, our realtionship is draining me emotionily and now pyshicaly. i cant see myself with anyone else but him, i know he needs me at this time, but its seeing how my friends and family frown uppon our relationship thats making me feel indifferent bout it, we've been together 23 months now dispite all the hate coming from everyone. he is 27 and im only 18, we started dating when i was 16 and he was 25, this is another reason my family and friends dont favor him, they see it as "wrong" and i dont get why.!! i looove this man to death but having noone to talk to that cares bout how i feel bout him being locked away, and not with me 24/7 like it use to be is hurting me. i was wondering what you guys think i should do. wait 5yrs? or try to let go and move on? is there anyone other than me going through this? and why do you guys think people see our age difference as "wrong"?? is it?? i mean, i love him and he loves me.. shouldn't it just be THAT simple?
thanks,
Diana Rose.


Answers


bella
1710 days ago
Do you mind me asking what he's in jail for? I think it seems hard to wait 5 years when you're so young. I can understand from the parents view - it must be difficult thinking your daughter's involved with a convict. I think the age difference is more bothersome when you're 16 compared to, if you're 30 and he's 39. Are you planning on going to college or university? I don't think we can make this decision for you. Do you have a trusted person to talk to about this?



diana rose
1710 days ago
He is in prison for braking and entering, which isnt true at all. the guy let him in the house then my boyfreind beat him up beyond the point people couldn tell who the guy was. it was over some money. a lot of money. my perents dont know why he is in prison for.

and im not 16 anymore.. im 18, do you see it as "wrong"?

yes, im planning on going to college and i dont have noone who will pay attention to me talk bout him. im sure my bff would, but her boyfriend has her soooo wrapd around his finger i dont see her anymore.



bella
1710 days ago
Yes I know you're 18 now - I was talking about when you initially met him you were 16 and I can see why your parents would be opposed to the age difference then. If he beat someone up this badly - I would be wary of being involved with someone like this who obviosly has an anger problem. What happens if one day he gets very mad at you? I'll give you my own personal opinion - I wouldn't want to be involved with someone who has beaten someone else. But this is your life and you have to make your own decision. I wish you the best.



JunieBeatrice
1710 days ago
Hi Diana, relationship questions are not my real strong suit but I have dated much older men before (20+ years older than me) and the fact that you are writing here, makes me think that you wonder deep down if everything is okay with your relationship. It does have difficulties with him not being there. I know that is hard on you. The age thing is more of an issue when you are young. As you get older it becomes less of an issue. Just ask yourself what else is going on. For me, dating older men made me feel secure. I knew what they wanted. They knew what they wanted. But after analyzing it, I realized I was just repeating a pattern from the past, older guys were comfortable because of my experiences as a child and being abused. Believe it or not, guys my own age were more intimidating!! I knew how to please an older man, I was taught that too young unfortunately. But when I met and dated my former fiancee, he was my age, it was probably the healthiest relationship I had ever had because we were more on level ground. A healthy relationship usually needs to not be power-shifted. He has more power in the relationship due to both of your ages, which would not be a big deal once you guys were in your forties. I think you just need to do some soul searching and discover for yourself if your motive in the relationship is purely love or if there is something inside yourself you are trying to fill through the relationship that needs to be met within yourself and not expected from the relationship. But only you will know the answer to that. And Bella gave some good advice on thinking through how he treats you or how he treats others. Sometimes a person needs to work on their own issues before they can be a good partner in a relationship. Has he had some anger management counseling? My sister married a guy that used to be in jail. It does strain the relationship some as he has trouble finding work due to his record and when their friends know, they do not want their kids to come over and play with my sister's kids....but my sister had to decide what was right for her, and so will you. As always, all my best. Junie



diana rose
1710 days ago
no, he hasnt had counseling, he isnt guna beat me when we are together. i know you guys have to be thinking that, his mom was beaten by his dad, he use to fight his father because of it. i know he couldnt and NEVER would do such a horrible thing to a women.

and i do love dating him beause i do feel more safe, he treats me better than ive EVER been treated.

thank you junie. and Bella.



bella
1710 days ago
Sometimes you just have to do what makes you happy and trust your instincts, even if some people don't agree(your family/friends). I do hope though, he recieves some anger counselling in jail. I still feel concerned what would happen if he gets disappointed with you one day. Best of luck Diana :)



Fpsych
1710 days ago
Hi Diana,

this relationship is already causing you some concern. It is draining you emotionally. I can understand your friends and families concern. You are involved with someone who almost killed another person. If he beat someone up so badly to the point of not being able to recognise them, because they owed him money what does that say about his values, his ethics, and his personality. There is no excuse for violence.

Love alone is not enough to sustain a relationship. Both people have to know how to have a good healthy relationship. You need good social skills, know how to manage your emotions, and solve conflict without violence, . I doubt that your boyfriend has those skills yet, and unless he has had intensive therapy inside prison he is going to be the same person he was when he went inside.

What is missing in your life, that you felt the need to connect with someone who is in prison?



twentytroubles
1693 days ago
You weren't of age when you were 16, and he was 25 (!!!!!!!).

If he beat up someone, does that not give him violent tenancies?

It's up to you, and you have to decide. But, he's not the only guy that would treat you respectfully, well, and could be a potential life partner.



askaconvict
1691 days ago
You should ask other inmates what they think. you can do that at askaconvict dot com



diana rose
1690 days ago
um, i don't think im missing anything in my life to make me feel like i have to connect with someone in prison.. that was kinda rude, fpsych. if you read the story you'd see i was with him WAY before he became a convict, i'm not guna lose my love for him just because he gets locked up. thats just crazii. your guna love someone through thick and trough thin.. right.?? isn't that how that saying goes.??

..

twentytroubles, i feel like he is the only guy that will ever treat me right. and i don't think because he beat up one guy he should be put as voilent person in peoples eyes, he really is respectful and a nice loving guy, all around.

..

askaconvict,

i can't get on that site, are you a convict.?

i mean, if you think i should ask others.. can't you just tell me what you think.?