Avatar Posted by deeeepthinker 139 days ago (Question)
I need to know suggestions of how can I make my wife a dominatrix in a subconciously way. I think even if I tell her to dominate me and she agrees, she will make that just because I love that not because it's her attitude.


Answers

Written by bellacutie 139 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi,

you can't make your partner change deliberately or in a subconscious way - you need to accept her the way she is. You're lucky that she's willing to role play for you though. You can't make her dominate you on a constant basis if that's not her nature. Tell her what you would like and see what she's willing to play along with and be happy with that. She doesn't have to really be a dominatrix in order to role play one. It's the same if she were to dress up as a naughty nurse - she doesn't have to be a nurse in order to play along - right? Love her for who she is and be content with what she's willing to play along with. Good luck to you both.

Written by saneisnotme 138 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

mr kinky lol

maybe you can email derren brown for tips?? or maybe.......you can give her a "mission for the day" to repeatedly say "naughty boy" all day long till it "subconsciously" hits her to be a vixen

Written by Edahn 138 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I think this is dangerous. If you wanted to ask your wife to ACT the role, that's cool; it's different; it's exciting. But you said you wouldn't be satisfied with that because she would be doing it out of LOVE. That tells me that you want her to be angry at you and dislike you enough to punish you.

In a random relationship this might work, but in a marriage, I don't think it's healthy. A healthy marriage is like a friendship. It's built on patience, respect, care, and honesty. By asking how to transform your wife into a vindictive, angry person, you are negating both qualities of honesty and care. That does not sound wise to me.

You're having these urges to be HURT. I think you may want to ask why you're having those urges and figure out a different, more positive way of dealing with them or expressing them. For instance, you may simply conclude that your seeking emotional and physical pain/hurt is an addiction that should be nipped at the bud, and just quit, like you were quitting smoking. It doesn't need to take years of therapy, investigation, and talking. Just quit.

Another idea would be to find a compromise. If you could settle for some physical pain and not need the emotional component (meaning, it would be okay if your wife was acting) then you can try talking to her. Don't try to manipulate her.

Lastly, maybe you can explore your "darker side" with other avenues, like music. Have you ever listened to Tool? Their music (rock/metal) carries the theme spirituality through physical pain. It's pretty good music, too.

Your best bet, in my opinion, is to see this as an addiction to self-abuse and cut it out, while supplementing that with some form or art or music that gets in touch with your pain.

Best,

Edahn

Written by Clyde 136 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

You cant make her do that. You can talk to her and ask, but if she says no, she is just as much part of the sexual relationship in your relationship as you are.

Best,

Clyde

Written by drumboy 120 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I think it's interesting how the other respondents think you only mean you want to be hurt and abused. There are MANY aspects to D/s.

It depends on how you want her to dominate you. Are you just talking sexually? Then that is much harder to do then in general. For her to dominate you sexually, it has to be exciting to HER. She just may not be wired like that. Like if she made a request of you that you were not into.

Now if you are talking in a more complete sense, then that can be easier to introduce. I have done this with a couple women I have gone out with. They were not really into the whole dom/sub thing but I think mostly because they did not know much about it. So...I will discuss one girl in particular. We had been going out for a while and we both had a lot of friends in common so I didn't want to just blurt out I wanted her to dominate me. She traveled a lot for her job so when she was gone I would go to her place, clean up for her, put gas in her car, make sure she had something she could eat when she got home. She was always greatful for this and would give me a "treat" when she got back. :) Then I started doing more, like cleaning her place, laundry and other stuff around her place. She was very greatful but I noticed that each time she left, her place would be a little more messy. Like there would be a few more dishes in the sink, more stuff left out and the big thing was there was starting to be LOTS of laundry! She was TOTALLY getting off on having me do all the stuff for her. And after a few more times she became less "thankful" and started to more like "expect" certain things to be done when she was gone and would even comment if I did not do something the way she liked it to be done.

Now, all this while, while were having sex, I was also doing more and more submissive things. Giving her massages, getting her bath/shower ready for her and rubbing her feet. Sometimes when she would come back after traveling and was tired, when we would go to bed, instead of asking for sex, I would please her orally and then let her go to sleep. After a while she just kind of got into the whole thing.

I would still do all the house stuff for her but she TOTALLY got into being dominant sexually. She would feel totally comfortable just having me go down on her and then roll over and go to sleep. We got into orgasm control (she go tto decide when I would have an orgasm), she LOVED having her feet worshipped and it just progressed.

So, I guess the point here is that you have to make her feel comfortable BEING in control and THEN you can kind of show her the benefits of it. Then you can FINALLY start showing her what you like and let HER choose if/when she wants to start doing that.

But this takes time. It was probably 2 months before I felt like she was comfortable with any of this. And probably 3-4 months before she started to really get bossy. You actually have to want to submit to her--believe me--it's MUCH more fun! Unless it's just a sex thing, then just bring it up and see what she is comfortable with. Try watching some DVD's. Also, Elise sutton is a pretty good reference.

Good luck!


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