I just found this site and need help desperately. Please be compassionate in your answers as this is a very sensitive subject to me. I also do appreciate honesty, so don't be afraid to tell me what you think as long as it is said in a compassionate way. Thank you so much in advance.
I am in my mid-twenties and I have suffered from extreme insecurity for years now. I have been with my husband for years and we truly love each other, but my insecurity is starting to take a toll on our relationship. I get feelings of intense self-hatred and insecurity. I compare myself to other women constantly. I believe that my husband doesn't find me beautiful. If he tells me I am beautiful I say that he is lying. I never feel beautiful or sexy. I have stopped enjoying life. I feel like I live inside a shell, trying to protect myself from everything and everyone.
If we walk past a billboard with a half-naked woman I start accusing my husband of finding her more attractive than me. And then I hate myself for having said that but I won't apologize.
I hate doing this to my husband. I hate doing this to myself. And deep down I know that I am an attractive woman. I just never seem to feel that I am "good enough". There is always somebody with a prettier face, prettier body, somebody that I think would be more my husband's type.
I get severe anxiety and depression because of these feelings. I have tried Buddhist approaches, which have helped me a lot with other issues in my life, but these feelings persist. I have tried journaling, reading about it.. nothing helps. I love my husband and I want to make things better for his sake and for mine. I can't keep on hating myself and letting my insecurities ruin my life.
I had a happy childhood. I am the second youngest. I just can't figure out where these feelings come from. All my ex boyfriends have treated me well. I have never been left. Nobody has ever broken my heart. Please help me. I don't know what else to do. I guess if I figured out where these feelings come from I could treat the root of it.
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