So I'd like to start off by saying I'm a VERY sexual person, it's just in my nature. My fiance watches quite a bit of porn, some days just a couple videos, but somedays six or seven (I admit I've happened across his history by accident, which got me hooked on checking up on him, I know it's bad). I leave for class in the morning, usually an hour after we wake up and I'm only gone for 2 hours. If he knows I'll be back, why won't he wait for me? When I know he's already jerked off and I ask him for sex, he'll pass it off and make up a stupid argument that he knows will get me frustrated with him and nothing will happen. But he never admits to having watched porn, what gives? He's a private person, but if he wants me to be open with him, shouldn't he be able to do the same with me? This incessant porn watching makes me feel inadequate and unattractive, where in the past I've always had great self esteem. I've tried talking with him about it, and he always lies and says he rarely watches it. I'm afraid that by getting married I'm putting myself in a situation that I'll regret forever.


Answers


bella
1631 days ago
When one partners porn viewing starts to interfere in their life, this would indicate a problem. How do you know he watches up to 7 a day or a least 2? The point is, your needs aren't being met because he's self satisfying through porn. He may be addicted to this and sometimes this can lead to desensitization where the person prefers porn and can't become excited with regular sex with their partner - I'm not saying it's reached this point for your fiance. I agree you should seriously consider if he's marriage material - it won't get better unless he agrees it's a problem and gets help. It's common for women to feel inadequate but try not to take it personal. No one can compete with the unrealistic portrayal in those videos. But I would take it personal, if your fiance doesn't consider your feelings and look for a solution. If your sex life was fine then I would say no harm done but you're not happy with this.



Chemar
1631 days ago
Hi

I agree with Bella that if the porn is interfering with both the trust factor, as well as your sex life and relationship in general then it is a problem.

If he is lying now, it will only likely get worse after you are married.

If you arent able to discuss this with him being honest about it, you may need to see a counselor for the two of you to work through this as you should not have this unresolved before you get married. It would be the niggling thorn in the relationship



Edahn
1631 days ago
I like bella's advice too. Work it out and open the communication lines before you get married.