My sister is 53 years old. She has lived with my mother all of her life. My Mother died 2 years ago. My father died 20 years ago. My sister has been living in my mothers house alone for 3 years now.

She has not gotten a job and has never worked more than 6 months in her entire life.

My other sister and I have been trying to get her to do something to generate an income most of our lives.

We have been sending money to her and my mother for years.

In the past few years the economy has forced myself and my other sister, who recently lost her job, to cut back on sending money to the sister who has lived off my mother and us all of her life.

I have provided her with many ways to generate an income at home and I have offered as much support as I can financially.

She is going to be evicted from the house next month and has been aware that this was going to happen for the last 2 years. She has sold everything of my mothers that had any value, that is what she has been living on the past couple of years.

A few months ago I had to cut her off money wise. Between helping them to cover their house taxes and expenses over the past 10 years and struggling to keep my one person business afloat I just couldn't give any more with out hurting myself. I am now in debt to the tune of $30,000 plus, and have major financial needs myself.

To help her I would have to go into more debt. I live 1,000 miles from her and I am at a loss as to what to do.

I care about her a great deal and I am scared to death of her being homeless, and I also know that if I let her move in with my partner and I that she will never leave.

We went through this a few years ago with an Uncle who moved in and wouldn't work or pay for anything and finally I had to kick him out.

I know that my sister is going to call me in a panic for money, she has already asked my other sister for more money and she had to refuse because she was laid off few weeks ago and can't afford to give her any money until she has a new job. I don't have an extra penny to offer.

The homeless sister believes that people owe her. She has been begging money from churches and food pantrys and any place else that she can. She spends more time begging than it would take to just get a job and work, but now it's too late. I don't know what to say to her and really can't afford to move her across the country to live with me in a place she frankly would rather never even visit. She hates the Desert and I live in S. AZ. I feel giving her anything else will be enabling her just as my Mom did her entire life.


Answers


bella
1841 days ago
I agree that it's best not to hep her anymore. Perhaps you and your sister could talk to her one last time and show her what to do and then let her be. She needs to learn how to depend on herself and sometimes that means letting that person be in a desperate situation. Don't help her financially anymore no matter what and don't let her live with you or your other sister. I know it's hard but you need to stand strong and don't budge. Best of luck.



greeneyes
1841 days ago
Cut her off. Completely. I have a sister who is a drug addict and doesn't work. She was sucking money off of us for years, always coming to us with some reason or another as to how it was just her being screwed by someone/some situation. We finally had enough and cut her off. She has survived fine. I don't know your sister, but she sounds as manipulative as mine. Don't worry, she will find someone else to leach off of. And in the meantime, you get to work on repairing your finances, relationships and sanity.



Thumbelina
1841 days ago
It is never too late to grow up. Looks like she's gonna have to do it at age 53. You might be surprised what she might learn. She is no longer your problem. I know someone personally who could be her clone. It was amazing what she was able to accomplish when it was sink or swim.



lmnsnyder
1841 days ago
Thank you all very much. I've been terribly troubled by the situation not just recently but all of my life. I am a year older than her and have always worried that this day would come and what I should do when the call comes in. I've realised lately, that I have postponed allowing myself to be happy with my own life and my own accomplishments, because my Mother and sister were miserable. My Mother was ill most of her life, all during our childhood. I always felt that I would some day fix her and give her a happy life, but my Mother was incapable of being happy this time around. I plan not to follow in her footsteps.

Thank you for the support. It's very apprecitated.



Clyde
1837 days ago
I definitely would say cut her off as well. I hate the idea that you would have to do so, but if she is homeless (soon to be), and is not trying to get a way out of the situation, what can you do?

If you do do anything for her, put it in your name, so you dont have to worry about her screwing things up or losing things like that.

Best,

Clyde



duck
1825 days ago
Instead of handouts, could you look into women's shelters or mental health shelter's in her area? Surely, some of them would offer counseling, require work, and teach responsibility. She's not that far off from retirement age... what's she going to do then?