I recently met a man about 4 mos ago he was so wonderful then after a month changed really drastically, insecure, non trusting, consumed with his own life and problems, and constantly begging me not to leave him...I haven't dated in a long time but reading on his behavior which was all the time pointed to NPD. But they say NPD people cannot love nor feel any guilt...is that really true..we are all human even if we have problems...I recently got fed up with his outbursts and it's been a month I haven't heard from him...now his usual pattern was within one week or two weeks he would contact me...my friends feel he will again I know he won't or he has found another prey to hurt. Please help with these questions...I know he felt something and know he probably still does..within the second week wanted me as his girlfriend and in three mos marriage..I caught him in a lie and called him on it never heard from him again if I do which I don't think I will how do I handle this I'm scared and sad..I should be happy he is gone but I did like him...help


Answers


sadintx
1845 days ago
This is what I found on Wiki about NPD:

1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance

2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

3. believes that he or she is "special".

4. requires excessive admiration

5. has a sense of entitlement

6. is interpersonally exploitative

7. lacks empathy

8. is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her

9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

It's not that the person cannot love of feel guilt or empathy, it's just that they wind up making your needs about them. Everything turns into what he/she wants, he/she needs, and basically turns everything on it's head. Nothing you do will make him see what you say, as he either refuses to think about you in ways you want. I think they do feel, they just make it all about them - which is extremely frustrating to someone who wants to be close.

I suggest you leave this person alone. If he wanted to come back, he would have. And even if he does call again, so you really want to subject yourself to the heartache of pretty much never being right? Usually narcissists are charmers that can talk their way back into your heart, only to turn your life upside down and isolating you from those you know for supposedly "their sake" because they profess how much they need you. But it's all a game of control. Don't let this person have so much control over you. You're worth more than that.



Clyde
1845 days ago
If you feel that he is a narcissist, it might be best that he is gone.

NPD do not feel so much for anyone as they feel for themselves. He would never allow himself to be a "couple" with you anyways.

Sorry :(

Best,

Clyde



callista
1844 days ago
I wonder if he might actually be borderline, not narcissist. Read up on borderline personality and you'll see a lot of the same characteristics--people who are so afraid they'll lose a relationship that they become clingy and demanding.

Then again, you say this was a sudden change, and personality disorders--either narcissist or borderline--are life-long patterns of feelings, thoughts, and behavior. There might have been something in his life that caused him to return to an earlier, maladaptive behavior pattern; or there might have been something new that he reacted to this way.

Either way, it seems like the relationship wasn't very good for you, and probably wasn't very good for him, either. In all the break-ups I've witnessed, it starts to hurt less as time goes on; so in the meantime, my standard advice for break-ups still stands: Treat yourself gently, do something you like, and wait it out. You may always feel some hurt, but as time goes on, it will become manageable.



bella
1844 days ago
Hi,

good advice from the other posts. Whatever he was, I don't think this was a positive relationship for you. If he was a narcissist then it common for the relationship to be great at first because they're charming - but then it goes downhill from there. If he does come back he would only give you heartache. Since he wanted to get married after only three months, that sounds very impulsive. Be more happy he's gone than sad. Take care.



isolasouth
1818 days ago
Hi,

I can empathize with you as the same has just happened to me.

I caught my N. partner in a lie - I had accused him of 2 timing me which he denied then i caught him with the on off girlfriend who had met before he finished with me last time.!!

I havnt heared from him except a text telling me to stop screwing in his life !!!!! no sense of guilt and lining up the next victim - I have been told not to contact him and his need for "real space" was to go in search or chase the interim girlfriend. - Yes the rejection is awful and the curt way they do things is so damaging. -

Fortunately I am facing the music that he doesnt want me in his life - i am standing up to this and I am realizing it takes 2 to tango and I am not in this anymore -

think to yourself of the pleasures you got out of your relationship - DID you really get any satisfaction.

Or was it just the fact you WERE needed. Being "needed" satisfies someithing in us - but YOU NEED YOURSELF so go and build up the INNER YOU - do creative things and hang out with friends who love you and who dont Need you.

STay strong and you will get over him - AVOID ALL CONTACT.

its only because he will need you that he is in touch -

Not because he loves you -

LOVE and NEED is different. Is.