About a month ago my boyfriend and I talked about how much his watching porn bothered me, he said he would stop because of how much it bothered me.
After several weeks of assuring me he had not watched any porn, yesterday I found out he was lying. I find lying particularly bad and have never been able to trust someone fully after finding out they lied.
He sais he needs to watch porn because he is a very sexual person and sex with me once everyother day (sometimes everyday) is not enough for him. He said he lied to save my feelings so I would not feel it was me.
If it was not for his porn watching, and this first time lying offence he would be perfect.
I do love him very much and he loves me.
How can I trust him again?
How do I know he is not lying about something else?
How do I punish him for the lying? or do I?


Answers


zanzivar
1977 days ago
What's the problem with him watching porn, disappointed? He's admitted why he watches it and if he thinks it bothers you I wouldn't blame him for trying to hide it. Why are you though, getting upset about him watching porn? You haven't said why in your post.

Zanzivar.



tanyaserene
923 days ago
it bothers most girls that think that they are attractive. because we dont understand what it is that we aren't doing right. media says that being pretty is all that every guy wants in their girl. so when a problem like this arises we become clueless.



Edahn
1977 days ago
I don't think PUNISHING him is the right way to go. You should talk to him about what you find offensive about it and see if that conversation with him helps you square away your feelings. Some people think porn is equivalent to cheating; others don't. Maybe talking about it could clear up some misconceptions. Or not.

Either way, I think you should figure out what you're willing to put up with and what you aren't willing to put up with. If he's ready to meet you there, cool. If he's not, then maybe you should break up. Regardless, I think you need to tell him that you do not appreciate being lied to, and if he lies again, you will end things. I don't think you need to become paranoid about him lying about other things. Just be clear about what you expect, see what he's willing to budge on, and go on with your life.



Curialisa88
1977 days ago
My boyfriend does it too. He said the exact same thing, so i told him to leave and find someone else who will fuck him that much, cause i was not going to. I have stopped looking for it, because i know it will hurt me. i recently found out that guys genitalia is connected to their optical nerve in their brains, so they like to see and look at sexy things to help with the hornyness. I have a feeling he still does when im gone, but i try not to look cause i do not want to get hurt. It is a stage thing. I do not know what to tell you, but your not the only one. I think it is telling me that i am not good enough and he wants more than just me, but i dont know. I would sit down adn ask him what else you can do to make him stop watching it, besides having sex all the time.



bella
1976 days ago
I agree I don't think punishing is the way to deal with any problem. I can understand how lying about anything would bother you - I'm also like that(don't like lies). I also wouldn't be comfortable with my man watching porn either but it's so accessible now. Since you say he's perfect otherwise - then you have to think logically if you want to make a battle over this. Like Edahn said you need to search deep and decide what you you're willing to tolerate or not.

Some men can watch it and it doesn't affect their lives or their partner. It becomes a problem if the person becomes addicted, where he's neglecting having sex with his partner or starts delving into the more sinister sites (child pornography/violent/beastiality). Another result of pornography is that the person can become desensitized to 'normal sex' where having sex with their partners is no longer fullfilling and they need more stimulation - like the kind they see on porn sites. Face it - if you watch them - they are so unrealistic. I think it would be hard to find a man who can keep it 'up' for that long and they always end the same - with the woman getting saturated with sperm - pardon my bluntless. I don't know about you but that isn't enjoyable for me!

Anyway, getting back to your question. I think you should forgive him for this lie. When men are pressured into giving up porn they react like little kids and just HIDE it. It's hard for him to give up something so pleasurable. I don't know if you would mind watching it with him? Try to figure out whether or not this fight is worth the risk of ending the whole relationship. Best of luck to both. Hugs :) Bella



Clyde
1972 days ago
I too think that punishing him is not the correct way to go around the problem. Neither is you feeling punished about it.

I do think that if he continues to watch them, he will be desensitized to regular sex, but then again, everyone is an individual.

Can you talk to him about this and explain how you feel to him? If he has an idea about how bad it really bothers you, it may help him understand how you feel.

Best,

Clyde



feminismox
1077 days ago
Instead of explaining to him like I tried in the past, I decided to just put him in my position. As we were laying there in his apartment bedroom, I pretended to masturbate to Thor, the supposedly sexy chiseled godlike actor and Edward, the supposedly hot dangerous vampire in Twilight, both of which I don’t even know their real names.

So I moaned “Oh Thor.. oh yeah.. Edward.. yes yes yes!”

And not to my surprise, my boyfriend upset and utterly disturbed, turns the other way and says flat out “You’re disgusting.”

So I try to comfort him by putting my hand on his shoulder, “Honey, are you ok?”

He stays faced away and says in a monotone voice, “Don’t touch me, you gross me out,” and throws my hand off him.

I hold back my giggle, instead, I pretended to give him an angry tone, “Honey, you need to grow up ok, it’s normal, everyone does it, god, I’m not hurting anyone, you’re just being sensitive, I’m just in the moment to get off and then ill be done. I still love you.” I smiled, gave him a big hug. He pushes me off again. I can tell he was hurt. “At least I’m not watching Thor or Edward naked with their hard rock abs and hard cock, like you do with…”

He replies, “I told you I stopped watching porn already ok?” and he assured me he was on the same page, “PORN IS WRONG. So.. you were masturbating to both Thor and Edward?.. AT THE SAME TIME??? EWWW! GROSSS!!! GET OFF ME!!”

“NO stupid. I wasn’t even thinking about them. I was just trying to prove a point.”

Still disturbed.. he laid there with his arm over his forhead.. grossed out.

If he loves you, he will stop. If he doesn't stop, he probably doesn't love you and he has a porn addiction.



tanyaserene
923 days ago
i dont think punishment is good in any situation in a relationship. then it just becomes a big war of who is getting who back for their wrong.

my boyfriend and i talked about how i dont want him to watch porn. most girlfriends have a problem with it. we have sex twice a day. and for me its always good.

and he reassures me that he doesnt watch porn. and that the last time he did was weeks ago.

but thats not what he history on his cp says.

he looks up at least three different sites or more a night from what i could see.

i felt a little uneasy when i saw it. it may have been wrong of me but i went in and blocked all the sites i could see that where on there.

i love him very much. and i dont think he understands that id be there for him no matter what. ive been lied to before. and i can not and will not compare him to them. there is so much good about him. and i think he is more insecure then he lets on. i have done all that i can think of to make him feel good about himself. and i want to be enough for him. as does every girl does for her love. its about working with him. letting him know that no matter what you will be there for him. and help with anything. and if he wants to try something, try it even if you dont think you'll like it. let him know that youre willing to be adventuress. i am hoping that this will help you and myself.