I found out that my husband was having an emotional affair for 4-5 months with a co-worker then a few years later, another incident occurred. Much of the first interaction was via e-mail filled with sexual innuendo with mentions of face to face contact. We were leaving the state for another job and the interaction ended with them kissing on more than one occasion. His explanation was that it was a "goodbye kiss and nothing more". From his e-mail to me after being found out: "First, let's be clear what was and was not: This was not an affair, not a prelude to an affair, not a series of trysts, not a beginning. This was a co-worker who became a friend who then, on the very last hour of the very last day fished for a kiss because it would go, could go no further. Understand: this was a good bye. Thus it began and ended." Yet this explanation doesn't match the e-mail evidence that I found. She asked for "do-overs" and he complied, more than once it seems. And she gushes about how excellent he is at that. Doesn't sound like a peck on the cheek to me.
The next incident occurred when he went to a conference in Las Veagas, of all places. I discovered rapid fire instant messages between them which were being sent under the noses of me and the kids - on Valentine's Day. From one of his replies to me: "I haven’t had an affair, and it’s ridiculous to continue to assert that I have. An “emotional affair” is just nonsense, the kind of pseudo-psychological-sin that they use to whip up the neuroses of readers of women’s monthlies--might as well accuse me of having an emotional affair with Mike ..... because of our long bull sessions over coffee and beer and cheeseburgers (I spent far more time with Mike last week than with Jami). I really enjoyed that time--did a lot of science, talked a lot of smack, etc. Even had a lot of humorous texts and emails throughout the meeting."
Before these incidents our relationship was in a bad place - for the both of us. He made the choice to involve other women. I didn't.
He eludes to the fact that he should get credit for not letting it go any further with these women - like he's the hero. How can I move past these incidents when he doesn't think he's done anything wrong?
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