I have been feeling recently that it is time for me to break up with my girlfriend of nine months. She loves me, and absolutely does not want to break up with me, but we seem to be arguing more and more as time goes on (almost every night on the phone this past month we have been up for hours just arguing/complaining), and as if this was not enough of a reason to, i do not have some of the feeling for her that i used to have, and i think she may somewhat know that but maybe be in denial. Also,I am entering my senior year of high school in a few weeks and want to have as good of a time as i can, and i feel that if I'm still with her she will most likely be bringing me down a lot. She is entering her sophomore year, and though she does not fully realize it, i have come to find out (after being away at a camp for about a week and a half) that we most likely will not last once i leave for college, because of the distance and lack of time to talk to eachother, and i feel that it may be best to end things now (august) rather than do it over the school year. That way, any drama that follows can hopefully die down before school starts. But there are two big issues :
1. I have never broken up with anyone before, don't know how to do it, and know that I still love her and therefore will have a very hard time doing so, and
2. She is both depressed and suicidal (partly because of recently being told off and ultimately shunned by her two best friends, and partly, i believe, though she hasn't credited this as a reason, because of a childhood that was filled with physical and sexual abuse, and the absence of her father). She recently took too many pills on purpose (she claims it was only 4 or 5), not necesarily to kill herself, but i think maybe subconciously she wanted to scare herself. I don't honestly think her committing suicide is likely, but if i break up with her (she often says i'm the only good thing left in her life) I will worry that she'll do it. What should i do?


Answers


bella
1349 days ago
You say you still love her - are you sure you want to break up?? If you are, I think you just need to be honest with her. If she's been feeling suicidal before, she really needs to see a doctor. Even though you care for her, beware of manipulation - where she might make you feel guilty or threaten to end her life because of the break up.



Chemar
1348 days ago
Hi

the only way to do this is with honesty, explain to her that you care deeply and will always be her friend, but that the relationship is not what you want anymore and that you feel it best to break up.

If you are close to her parents, maybe also alert them to the fact that she has expressed suicidal feelings, if they are not already aware of the pill issue, let them know.

Although you may have strong feelings for her, you cannot put your life on hold if you truly feel it is better for you to not be a couple anymore.

It is never easy to end a relationship, but when it needs to be done, then it is best done quickly and honestly, as dragging it out only makes it harder and more painful.

all the best to you



hugapug
1348 days ago
I applaud you for reaching out for help. You have recognized that the situation goes far beyond a breakup, so please do what you can to find help for her. The foremost issue here is her threats and small attempt of suicide so you should not handle this on your own any more. If you can't approach her parents, perhaps your school counselor? There are laws to protect the privacy of everyone involved.

I ask that you take her threats seriously, no matter how small, because I am the surviving sister of a brother who took his own life. His former girlfriend would not reconcile. But, do I blame the girlfriend? Of course not. My brother had his own mind. It just needed the appropriate help of a doctor.

Good luck to you.



foreverastudent
1347 days ago
If you think you still love her you may want to examine those feelings more fully before breaking up...but think about it...if you are saying you will probably break up over distance and because you want to have a good time...is that true love or just someone you care deeply for? You can care deeply for someone and not be madly in love...I'm not discounting your feeling...I just urge you to examine them and find out what you really feel. You may find that you do not actually love her anymore. I think love means you would do anything for the other person, and I think it is rarer than people seem to think.

If you do find that you still want to break up with her I think you need to be honest and compassionate as Chemar said and definitely alert those people who are close to her about the suicidal tendencies.



grape
1341 days ago
Talk to her parents, if they don't know. It's her families job to assist her- they can get her therapy, put her in the hospital, etc.

It's not your duty to care for her. Take her seriously, but tell some trusted adults and let them intervene with professional help. (Maybe don't break up with her, and talk to the adults now, so she gets help, and you can leave the relationship.)