Avatar Posted by rgrl75 25 days ago (Question)
Looong story short. My family doesn't particularly care for my boyfriend. He and I have been together for a long time, almost 5 years (we're both 33). We moved in together almost a year ago. I was really happy with him until I found out my family didn't care for him. I know he isn't perfect and his attitude/personality comes off as "arrogant" to some, but that's not who he is. He treats me and my children very well. My family started telling me things like "we don't think he's capable of taking care of you", "he's arrogant and acts like he's better than us". Things like that, and it really hurts my feelings. I am very close to my family so what they think and say really matters to me. But at what point do I just stop caring? Partly I blame myself because I hadn't brought him around a lot, so of course this isn't giving them a chance to know him too well. I intend on doing that now because he truly is a good person. I just don't like the negative feedback I'm getting from my family. My sister whom I'm very close to will also say childish things aimed at my boyfriend however will say them indirectly as if she's speaking generally about anyone not ONE particular person. My boyfriend dresses a certain way, and she started talking bad about that particular clothing store, saying guys who buy clothes there are GAY. Okay this is a 33 year old woman and I know exactly who she was talking about, I wasn't being overly sensitive. She's mentioned something like this prior before, so I know what she meant when she said it. Bottom line, I'm extremely happy and in love with my boyfriend, we do intend to get married in the very near future, but with the static with my family it's hard. Has anyone dealt with this sort of thing?


Answers

Written by Chemar 25 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi

if you care about him and are happy with him then your family needs to respect that and not be rude to him or about him to you.

your sisters behavior is way out of line and rather juvenile IMO

you may need to get together with your family privately and explain that they are making you unhappy by disrespecting him, and that you really want to have a good relationship with them, but that they are going to have to accept that you are with the man you love.

You cant force them to like him, but you can inform them that you will not tolerate their interference or their negativity any further.

If you think he needs to change his attitude around them, you could also gently try to explain that to him (without letting him know the hurtful things they have said tho, as that would likely just make him very defensive in their company)

hope they grow to like him so that you can all be at peace

Written by Clyde 25 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi there,

You definitely cannot force the family to like him. They do need to let go of that issue and let you go with your own feelings that you do like/love him.

The behavior of the family is probably because they do care, but as Chemar said, it is quite immature as well.

Let them know you do not like it and will not stand for it any longer.

Hope it works.

Best,

Clyde


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