Avatar Posted by Kerena 30 days ago (Question)
I've been dating my boyfriend for 1 year 7 months. 7 months ago I found out he's been cheating on me for a whole year with a girl. He told me she lied to him and said she was pregnant and now he hates her. I had no idea, he hid it well. I've gave him another chance. He completetly changed for me. He shows me he loves me and appreciate me in different ways every single day. He's a really matured since the day he told me. He gave me the password to his email and myspace and everything. But I'm constinently thinking he's cheating when he's not. I mean we argue everyday. I know nothings going on but I can't help but think about it. Because the year he cheated he showed no signs. So how do i know he's just not showing any signs again. It's like every girl who says hi to him or looks at him i think he's messing with them. I'm really jealous and sad. I cry all the time, when i dont need to be. How do I get over the past, and how come I cant?


Answers

Written by bellacutie 30 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

When there's been an infedelity, it's very normal to have issues with trusting again. Trust needs to be built up slowly. I think you should have a nice talk with him and make a deal - tell him that you'll trust him as long as he promises to be straight forward with you - meaning if he's tempted to stray, he should tell you first so you could break up with him. Then just trust him and start fresh. Good luck, Bella

Written by Clyde 29 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

It is very normal to have issues of dealing with his infidelity again. You are going through pains of what happened. Of course, it wasnt your fault, but you are playing over and over in your mind and worrying/wondering why things are so bad for you (at least in your mind).

Could you find a way to either possibly get him to go to a therapist with you, or make a kind of deal Bella mentioned?

Best,

Clyde

Written by Fpsy 28 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Like the others have suggested, trusting after someone has been unfaithful and for such a long time without you knowing, really does cause you to question yourself, your boyfriend and relationships as a whole.

The thing is, we can never fully 100% predict whether a partner will betray us. But knowing that we can overcome the pain and the hurt of betrayal is a good protective factor, and will also help you to stop looking for signs of whether your boyfriend has cheated.

First of all, don't rely on your boyfriend for meeting all your needs. Have an independent life away from him. Devote as much attention to having solid friendships as well having your boyfriends company. If you get on ok with family members, then make sure you put energy into spending time with them, for celebrations and just hanging out. Think about yourself as a independent woman, who is going to strive towards a life where you could if you wanted to survive on your own, both financially and emotionally without having to rely on a husband.

When someone betrays us, it hurts and it's a normal feeling. But we feel less vulnerable when we are independent and don't rely on others for meeting all our needs.

Hope this helps.

Written by holligirl13 27 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

First if i were you i would try couples counciling and second trust takes time and once it is broken it is hard to build back up so just try to shut your eyes and think of how much he loves you *but really do go to the couples counciliing*

Hope this helps good luck

Holli


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