Avatar Posted by Crispy1513 42 days ago (Question)
Ok, so I'm having a big problem right now, I have a girlfriend that I love more than anything!! She's absolutely, no doubt in my min,d the best thing that's ever happened to me. Here's the problem though; she's not a virgin and I am, but she doesn't want to have sex with me, because she regrets it and is becoming a stronger Christian, and wants to wait until marriage (but it's still too early for that). I *am* a Christian, but not a very good one, and it's something I plan on working on in the future, but that's not something to discuss right now. What I'm having trouble dealing with, is she used to be sooooo into sex, and she's given most her past boyfriends hand jobs and blow jobs, and had sex with one. She's had cyber sex with about three different guys who weren't even her boyfriends. We still talk about sex pretty often, and one time we did get carried away and got very, very handsy, but that seems like a one time thing, b/c she regrets it...
What's getting me down is that I feel like as she's becoming closer to Christ, she's changing, and avoids a lot of that stuff now, like she almost completely refuses to even wear skirts or short shorts...I'm the only boyfriend she's ever loved, and it's just getting me down that I never got any of that from her...she even sent her guy friend snaked pictures once! Is it all in my imagination that she's losing her extremely high sex drive?? Does this happen to all girls?
I just want some help b/c I hate this getting in the way of my love for her...any help would be great!!
Thanks soo much!


Answers

Written by dusky1 42 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I think that if ur letting your g/f desire to be closer to God be such a huge issue in your relaionship then you don't really love her. From what I can see, her high sex drive was most probably due to curiosity and it ended because she wasn't ready for sex, but engaged in it, and now she regrets it or maybe she had a bad experience. Girls are really sensitive about these things, so I can guarantee that the more you pressure her the more ur going to push her away. If a girl who used to love sex, and is not a virgin all of a sudden ups and stops, then there's more to it that her christianity, trust me. It sounds psychological...because once you 'pop' it's a bit hard to stop, and even harder in a relationship whith a guy who constantly asks for it. Another thing...her past relationships and what she did with other guys is irrelevant to you....personally, if I was with you and you kept briniging it up as justification to 'get some' I would get really pissed off. Further more, it could also be that she regrets doing all that she did with all those guys in the past and probably thinks of herself as dirty for it or something, so using it against her, is really not going to help your case. Finally, if a girl wants to wait until marriage you should respect that if you really love her. If you can't then leave her. Because look at it this way....if she gives in to you, then she'll probably resent it and you afterwards. So give her a break (not literally, lol)

Written by Chemar 41 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I think Dusky gave you some excellent advice there.

Your girlfriend's past has no relevance to you in this. But it possibly does to her, and because she is undergoing a spiritual experience, I find it very understandable that she wants to back away from sex right now.

As Dusky said, this is where the test of your love comes. true love is a whole lot more than just having sex or romance. It is giving of yourself for the other person without expecting only their love in return. There are always going to be circumstances that hinder the sex and the romance. Together couples work through those lovingly and come out stronger by understanding what the other is going thru.

Your sexual desires for her are very normal, but feeling she "owes" it to you because she did stuff in her past is just not realistic. People do things they sometimes regret, and you should respect that she needs to work thru this without pressure from the guy who loves her.

Perhaps if you started to try to share the beauty and depth of what she is going thru spiritually, the two of you might reach a union far more satisfying than just the sex.

Written by Clyde 41 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I think Dusky gave some good advice too. She really is changing spiritually, and that is not a bad thing.

You both have to work through this without making her change for you--which is not fair at all--and use no pressure.

She really needs to know you care now. Just because she used to have sex with others doesnt mean she wont/will now, and it doesnt mean that things change or wont change.

Give it some time and see.

Best,

Clyde


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