I have a problem with trusting people. When I am seeing someone, I always have the idea that some other girls are much better than me and the guys deserve them better. I even don't trust my girlfriends. I did try to trust them but every time I did, most of my secrets are known by the whole class. I often found out that my friends are keeping secrets from me. I feel like an idiot.


Answers


bella
1996 days ago
Hi,

I'm a mom of 2 girls ages 7 & 11. My 11 yr. old goes through the same struggles as you. I don't know what it is, but some girls are MEAN to the bone. The strange thing is, it happens everywhere and I don't have a way to solve it - only coping strategies. Perhaps it's because the kids aren't getting taught morals at home and the basics of how to be a good friend to others. One day they're your best friend and the next they're stabbing you in the back.

I always tell my daughter that you should never tell someone your secret because they will most likely 'spill the beans'. Don't tell anything that you don't want the world to know. As far as your friends keeping secrets, that's a tactic that starts even in kindergarten. I even know some kids will even act like their telling secrets and look over at the victim to purposely bug them.

As far as thinking other girls are better - that's a self esteem issue. I wonder why as a society do women always feel compelled to compete with each other. I believe one of culprits in this is the beauty industry and the way they portray perfect beauty. We are bombarded from when we're young all the way up by, ads that may us feel inferior or not good enough. But the truth is, the majority of these ads are computer enhanced, not to mention hours of hair and makeup. Dove has a website that talks about this and self esteem - campaignforrealbeauty.com

I'm assuming you're in highschool and you're learning to be comfortable in your own skin. Learn how to be the best you can be and then accept/love yourself for who you are. Never compare yourself to others. The most important thing is a good personality and a positive attitude. After all you can have the MOST beautiful person ever - but if they have a bad personality, then they're not appealing.

My 11 yr old is struggling a little right now with a few mean girls. She's tried dishing it out/telling the teacher and now she's going to try ignoring and not reacting to them. She's a strong confident girl and she using what ever strategy is appropriate for the situation. After all, mean people enjoy the reaction they get from their victims and they like to watch them squirm. Yesterday I gave my daughter two examples:

1. Imagine that you are the fish and the mean girls are holding a fishing rod with a nice juicy worm. If you bite it, then they'll HOOK you into their DRAMA and you will be their entertainment.

2.Imagine you find a tick on your skin - are you going to try to talk and negotiate with it? No, because it will burrow under your skin. So these girls are the tick and all you do is 'brush them off'.

The moral of all this, is save your trust for worthwhile people, like your family or that one special friend. But I still think it 's a good life rule to never expect your secrets to be kept. If you don't want the whole world to know - then just don't say it - write it in a safe journal instead. I would recommend getting some books on how to raise your self esteem and also some books on bullying. I like the Queen Bees And Wanna Bees. Girls many times use indirect bullying such as alienation and rumors. Don't worry about those girls and just concentrate on being the best you can be. Also practice how to be a good friend to others. Most of all love yourself and be a STRONG woman. TC :)



Clyde
1996 days ago
Why do you feel that way?

I would try not to think or worry about those who make you feel lesser than yourself...they are really not your friends.

Raising your self-esteem is important. You do need to understand that it will not be over night, yet it will happen. Believe in yourself.

Best,

Clyde



Sky
1996 days ago
I see that you have already gotten some good advice, but I just want to say that you might want to look around you and see the people who need and want you to trust them.

I think you might get good feedback from them.



Edahn
1996 days ago
Your problem has more to to with self-esteem than trust. You have to figure out why you're fucking awesome and start believing that and start acting like it. Make that quest something fun, not a chore.