My huband has a problem with porn, i feel like i am competting with the computer for his attention. I feel disguested when i catch him masterbating to it when we do not have sex at all unless i start a fight about it. He looks at real big women so i gain weight then he looks at smaller women so i loose weight. I am going crazy how do i stop him from doing this.


Answers


bella
1196 days ago
Hi Irramsey81 - I'm sorry this is affecting your marriage. You'll hear mixed opinions about porn - some will say if used in moderation it's fine and others say it puts a strain on their partnership. If it's reached the point where you're not having sex enough and it's affecting your self esteem - this means your marriage needs help.

I would be interested in a study on this problem - before computers became a household item - a person would have to order porn by mail(unlikely) or go to a store that has thick brown paper on the window(embarrassing). I think porn is becoming a major influence on society and especially with very young people (12 an up). I think there's way more problems compared to 20 yrs ago.

The 1st thing you need to do is - don't compare yourself to these women. You shouldn't compete and you can't compete with these women - because porn doesn't reflect an accurate view of sex in real life. These people are acting and these clips are filmed in segments, because most men can't last that long lol. The women are acting like it's the greatest even if they don't like what they're doing or in pain.

Sometimes a person can become addicted to porn where they reduce or stop having sex with their partner. Another thing that can happen is - a man can become desensitized - this means he has trouble getting erections with his partner and only responds to porn. Masturbation is normal for people, but it shouldn't replace sex with a partner.

If he's addicted, it will be hard to convince him to get help. Tell him how you feel. Hopefully he'll at least be willing to compromise and cut back. I suspect he watched porn even before he met you, so don't take this personally or let it affect your self esteem. You don't have to compete with the porn. I hope you can work it work it out - best of luck.



Chemar
1196 days ago
Hi

sadly the rampant spread of porn on the Internet has caused this to be a major problem for many couples. Anyone who says there is "no harm in it" obviously is not aware of just how deeply it impacts people, as your post clearly describes. Porn addiction is a very real and serious issue

My personal view is that your husband is being unfaithful to you by doing this as he is choosing porn and masturbation over a normal relationship with you.

I think you need to tell him you cannot live this way anymore and that he needs to seek help for his addiction. Perhaps the 2 of you could start at marriage counseling. If he refuses, you may have to think carefully about whether you can spend your life this way.



lrramsey81
1195 days ago
The sad thing is i have told him how i feel on this and he claims to care but its right back to watching it when my back is turn or even before i am out of the room. He said he will cut down to one night a week that last a whole day...Now its after our baby is born he will stop. I dnt believe anything he says cause he just can help it. this is like his drug of choice. I asked him to pick and he tells me no. If i threaten to leave he says i am tearing our family apart. so i am stuck in a hard place. I told him lets get help and he says i do not need it.



Chemar
1195 days ago
Hi

then you are going to have to be firm and tell him that HE is the one ripping your family apart by his love affair with porn, and that if he really cares he will at least go to marriage counseling with you to get an objective opinion from the therapist. Once he hears from a professional that he is not being fair to you by denying you a healthy sex life with him, while he uses up all his sexual energy on porn, then perhaps he will admit he needs help. Hopefully he does love you enough not to risk losing you.

When is the baby due?

honestly, an addict will always say "I will stop as soon as...." and then not stop and set a new date or terms. Addiction is a very powerful force and it will need your husband first recognizing that he has a problem and then getting professional help for it for him to stand a chance of overcoming it.



Passion4Psych
1192 days ago
Right now: Prepare yourself for a positive outcome that may/may not include him. Tell him that he has to get professional help or he will lose his marriage. When he says that you are tearing your family apart, let him know that your family is already torn apart, and you are doing what you have to do to put it back together. You choose to live a happy life, hoping that it includes him but willing to without him. Mean what you say, give a specific time frame (not for him to stop, but for him to get help), understand the problem yourself so that you can properly gauge his progress, and take the appropriate action.

In the meantime: Nagging, complaining and/or being sad is depressing and not inviting. On the other hand, enjoying your life is addictive and infectious. After you have done what I suggested, there is no reason to say anything when he continues the behavior as he knows his time limits. Instead of even paying attention to it, fill your life with things that you enjoy, and you will become addicted to the new you, and it may infect everyone around you --including him.



joojoo
1185 days ago
oh please! live a little will you???? grow up