Avatar Posted by amydee 96 days ago (Question)
When my boyfriend pisses me off i hit him. He never does anything back he just cowers away or leaves until things cool down. I've punched him, kick him, pulled his hair, pushed him, scratched him, hit him with a broom. anything and everything, it gives me a rush of some sort and he just stands there and takes it.
I've told him I'd stopand get help, but I haven't. I even got worst.
He knows that i love him, and i only do it because of that.
Secretly i wish he'd fight back, but he doesn't no matter how hard or how much I do it. In a way he disgusts me.
Anyway I know i need help, but I don't know what to do. What's wrong with me ?



Answers


MEdwards
96 days ago
Hi Amy.

I have to admit, I am having trouble reconciling the part of your post where you write "He knows that I love him, and I only do it because of that." I don't mean to offend, but that is blatantly contradictory. If you love someone, you don't hit them like you do (I only add "like you do" as an acknowledgement to accommodate things like BDSM, which is outside of what we're talking about here. I'm not trying to point the finger more than I already am, if that makes any sense).

You mention you're trying to get him to fight back. Is that because he bores you, or you want more excitement in your relationship? If so, that can be had in much healthier ways than this, and if he bores you, you may need to simply consider other options.

If I were you, I would try to understand that physical abuse is not part of a healthy relationship. You need to set your boyfriend down and apologize for this, and keep your promise to him to get some help. Barring that, you might want to step away until you get this under control. This is not good for him or for you. Understand that as things are now, had your boyfriend come here and posted this or had the roles been reversed, I would advise he (or you, in the role reversal scenario) leave. :(

I do hope I was of some help Amy, and that I didn't sound overly harsh. I am only trying to be of some help. I will keep you and him both in my prayers.
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EdwardWicker
96 days ago
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Chemar
95 days ago
Hi Amy

you are being abusive and you have to stop! It is never ok to hurt someone and the fact that you are "disgusted" that your bf doesn't hurt you back shows there is a serious problem, and yes, you do need to seek professional help. I would suggest a psychologist, as psychiatrists generally prescribe meds and you need therapy rather than a pill. You need to work through why you do this and be taught to develop anger management.
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Jsf58
95 days ago
Amy,I agree you are abusive and should seek some counseling. The fact that your boyfriend does not hit you back or leaves the situation is the "normal" thing to do. It is never ok to lay your hands on another human being unless it is in self-defense. I also think that your boyfriend believes that he loves you and that he is willing to tolerate this behavior in order to stay in the relationship. He needs to either leave this unhealthy situation or both of you should go talk to a psychologist together and also you seperately. I am a victim of an abusive husband ex now, I thought I needed to stay because I did not want to break up a family I had children, it turns out I could not have done anything worse to them by staying leaving was the best and healthiest thing I have ever done for myself and for my kids. Wanting to harm someone you say you love is never ok, maybe you do love him but since he is the closest person in your life you are taking all of your anger and frustrations out on him, wanting him to fight back to me means you want things to esculate, maybe you actually want him to leave. Either way I would go and talk to someone because this is something inside of you and you might be able to determine what that is and one day have a relationship where you do not want to physically harm someone that you love.
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EdwardWicker
95 days ago
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MEdwards
95 days ago
Edward, with respect, and I don't mean to offend, Amy is at the very least trying to do something about it. That doesn't excuse it entirely, but she's making an effort at the very least. Again, I don't mean to offend, and I do understand your anger, but your posts towards Amy aren't doing much to offer any sort of advice or help to her, like she is asking. It isn't going to help anyone if she feels too alienated to come back or unwelcome to post, you know?

Please forgive me if I offended, but I believe that PC needs an open environment in order to function.
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EdwardWicker
95 days ago
I apologize, I will tone down my responses in the future and try to be helpful if possible.
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MEdwards
95 days ago
It's fine. Like I said, I do understand. I realize this is a touchy subject for you. It is a necessity though that posters feel like they can post things freely and in a supportive environment. It's what keeps us working. :)
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