Avatar Posted by asdfjkl123456 56 days ago (Question)
Hello there, I'm Max, I am 19 years old, and I have become so afraid of the consequences of my actions. It started earlier this year when I was accepted to a faith cluster organization. What happened was that I met someone whom I really like, not because he is good-looking or what-not, but because of his intellect. I might say that he's not really Mr. perfect, neither is he the friendliest person you'll ever meet, but it just so happens that I have fallen for him. I have been having my doubts lately and have been constantly reflecting on the kind of life that I had in the past. I had just been outside the country for the first time last year to study for one semester abroad. After that experience, it has strengthen my self-confidence as a person seeing that I was able to express myself clearly and not feel so insecure about things that I do not know. But just recently, my ego-boundaries have fallen so low, that I get so caught up with my problems and have become so oversensitive that sometimes cause me to implode (figuratively) inside. I can't help but to think that I am being unfair to myself after being so caught up with this guy as I think he doesn't have any interest in me. I know that because I'm also a guy, and weirdly enough, I'll accept that it's not normal. To make things better however, I've opened up to someone who both knows us. It is without a doubt a sigh of relief as I am able to communicate my concerns to this other person, but it seems that I may have been smothering her with so much information that she, too, has become confused. However, she's been always open for conversations and has continually supported me whenever things would happen. But going back, this guy that I like doesn't seem to be warming up to me, always cold, eerie, and acts oddly around me. It's not that I'm making myself look so obvious that I'm crushing him, but I think the mere fact that I want his attention turns him off. In fact, I have become obsessed with attention as I always think that nobody listens to what I say. I feel that other people's opinions matter more than mine, and I respect that sometimes I'm not always right. But still, this guy seems to find a way to "hit" me internally, in a sense that I can't defend myself as it seems so petty. Still, I don't want to pursue a relationship that's just going to destroy me, however, I am still "in-love" with him.

I do hope someone would help me with this matter. I'd truly appreciate it ^^


Answers

Written by Chemar 56 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hi Max,

you did not mention whether you know what the sexual orientation is of the man that you seem infatuated with. If he is "straight" it may well be that he feels uncomfortable around you because he picks up on the feelings you have.

Do you have OCD? I just picked up on a few things that you said that made me wonder about that.

I hope you manage to sort thru your feelings

Written by Prospero 56 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Max, I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest you attend an AA meeting. I understand that you did not describe yourself as an alcoholic and you'll be much younger than most of the people in the group but some of the things you mentioned synch up pretty clearly with things I've heard from people in recovery. At the beginning of the meeting when they ask if it's anyone's first contact with AA don't raise your hand or you'll end up the center of the whole meeting. Try attending a few different groups just to listen, if they call your name just introduce yourself and say you're there to listen, no one will hold it against you. I think gaining some exposure to others who have dealt with self-esteem issues might prove beneficial for you.

Written by lady9mile 55 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Max, the title of your post says it all: you are afraid of your actions. Then do not take those actions. When in doubt - DON'T. Trust your feelings that this person "doesn't have an interest" in you. If you are feeling this negative vibe from him now it will only get greater later...

If your "ego-boundaries have fallen so low" then you must compensate and take caution by building up your ethics boundries until you can feel confident that you are taking the right actions. Take Prospero's advice also and build up your self esteem so others like this new "friend" will not take advantage of you.

You sound like an intellegent individual capable of making rational healthy decisions about your happiness. I wish you luck.

Written by Clyde 45 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

To me, it definitely sounds like he has an idea that you are interested, and he is uncomfortable about it.

It is important that you build up your self-esteem and realize that there are more people that will find you interesting.

One question I do have: why talk to this girl about this guy over and over if you are interested in this guy?

Talk to him, and find out if he likes you at all, and if not, move on.

Best,

Clyde


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