Avatar Posted by pajamas14516 48 days ago (Question)
I am at my wits end.

On the one hand, I should be happy because I am not obese anymore, I have a job that I love and high school is finally over. On the other hand, I still have no friends, I've started eating poorly again and I have no time to exercise so I will probably gain the weight back in no time, and my life feels like Groundhog's Day. Every day feels the same and none of those days are very fun.

I honestly still feel like I have no life. Even though I'm busy 24/7, I have no personal connections to anyone. I am alone in the world, and it's always been that way. Until recently I didn't really care, but I think now that I am so stressed out from school and work I'd really like a guy to tell all my stories to when I get home at night.

I've never had anything like that. I've never had a boyfriend. It makes me wonder what's wrong with me. I'm 19 years old and I've never so much as held hands or got a kiss on the cheek from someone? Am I that ugly? And am I that boring or stupid that people don't want to be friends with me?

It took having my first day off since I started work and since the semester started to realize how depressed I truly am and how off-kilter my lifestyle has become. This summer I was eating semi-healthfully and exercising every day, but now I'm eating fast food every day and I get no exercise.

I guess I was mostly rambling, but my question is, how do I meet guys (and friends)? I'm embarrassed to say that I've sunk down low enough to have responded to a post on CraigsList and have been emailing the guy for a few days. He's nice, but pretty boring. I'm just so so so lonely. I need help.


Answers

Written by freud 47 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

please slow down ,you are young and have loads of time to live your life trust me this is a phase.dont go back to your bad eating habits ,take excersise and look outward at the world.self distruction is such a waste ar your age,why not just say hi to the next person you see at work,take interest in them and it will build up a group of aquaintances who may become friends dont panic ,you will look back on this time in your life and realise how much you learnt from it

Written by bellacutie 47 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

I saw on Oprah once that when a person loses weight, they also need to deal with the emotional issues that caused them to gain the weight to begin with. If you don't deal with the emotional issues, you may gain the weight back. Please try to stay on track with healthy eating and exercise. I find the best way to tone your muscles is weight lifting - you also don't need to starve yourself when you're lifting weights.

You may have some self esteem issues where you still feel and act like an over weight person. Perhaps if you work on this it would make you more approachable. Have you thought about volunteering for something you feel passionate about? This would be a great way to meet new people. I agree with the first post that you shouldn;t pressure yourself - you're still young. I was 18 when I had my first boyfriend. As my mom would say "there's a cover for every pot" and you will find someone when the time is right. Please be very careful with online dating!! You need to be happy and feel complete with your self first - then when you find a man he will enhance you as opposed to completing you as a person. I hope you feel better, stay on track and be optimistic,

Bella

Written by series0 46 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

Hey pajamas! I hear a lot in the things you say. You say a very powerful thing when you say you're alone in the world and it's always been that way. You also say that until recently you didn't really care. Well guess what? That means that now you do care. Uh oh ...

Also, I tend to disagree with freud. Time is of the essence. Carpe Diem and all that! Life is damn short and regret is a horrible emotion to dwell on or even have reason to. Got to get busy fast! But with what? How?

So you damn well know you have weight issues. So what! So do 90% of people. It also sounds to me like your a busybody and you probably think you don't need people. As a result I am guessing you live a nice orderly busy life with extremely few personal interactions. A recipie for boredom and isolation. Not good.

So, the "what" is start doing some serious personal growth. It isn't easy. Nothing worth it ever is. You're introverted. That means you need to decide to force yourself to get out and "deal" with people. You need to get "touchy" and "feel" your world. It's your weak point and it will for sure help you. It can also rip you apart if you are uncareful. So what I am saying is put yourself in situations that make you uncomfortable but give yourself a safety margin. Good examples? The "how"?

OK.

Join a youth group even if you don't think you need religion. Volunteer to help others especially where you have to get your hands dirty. Do it. Get into it. Learn that part that's missing.

Maybe take up a low impact sport like volleyball. Every night you go talk to one new person as a personal challenge. Try to learn one interesting fact about each one. Each time you go back make a point to say hello to each one you've met previously. Network. Learn it. Rote if you have to. It's OK not to be a natural at it.

Make yourself be a hub of activity so that the branches begin to come from you. This is easy. Once you know 10 people or more at your youth group or sports event, have a ready plan for suggesting a few choices of where to go out and eat afterwards. If you think it'll help get a natural social person to help you motivate others to go. In these relaxed settings meeting and chatting is easy and you already have common grouond for discussion.

Your statement about taking a day off is very telling. It means when you pause for reflection you don't like where your life is. That's internal for you. Your quest for personal growth is begining. Embrace it. It's a fantastic challenge. Try this ultra-cool sit http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/ . The enneagram is a very powerful tool to help people understand who they are. It helps categorize and quantify your strengths and weaknesses. Take the free test and read up on your strongest types.

Obesity in your case, due to your ability to lose and dicipline yourself, is an inner issue. It relates to your self-esteem and ability to self-actualize and fulfill your own needs for personal growth. If you grow internally you will almost certainly see positive reflections in other areas of your life like your weight.

regardless, good luck!

Written by Clyde 45 days ago Rating: 0 | Rate Answer: + -

You do have to slow down a bit. Please do not over eat again. You are not ugly. Like Bella said that she heard on Oprah, sometimes you basically have to learn how to treat your inward self after such things as this.

Could you seek help now?

Best,

Clyde


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